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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: bungenstein on September 01, 2014, 10:49:00 AM



Title: An entire life void of care or feeling for anyone or anything?
Post by: bungenstein on September 01, 2014, 10:49:00 AM
Do they literally live a lifetime of having no care or feeling for anyone or anything?

Merely just seeing everything as object that can benefit/soothe them?

What a sad and utterly pointless existance.


Title: Re: An entire life void of care or feeling for anyone or anything?
Post by: freedom33 on September 01, 2014, 11:24:56 AM
Hopelessly lonely. If what we experienced is just the fleas imagine what the hell is going on in them. Can't help but feel sorry for them.


Title: Re: An entire life void of care or feeling for anyone or anything?
Post by: Harri on September 01, 2014, 11:34:44 AM
I think with BPD it is not so much a void of feeling it is the opposite:  too much feeling and no healthy way to cope with the intensity of their feelings.  Their resulting behaviors may, on the surface, seem like they have no feelings but the last thing we can say about BPDs is that they have no feelings. 

Yes, it is very sad, painful and lonely for many of them. 


Title: Re: An entire life void of care or feeling for anyone or anything?
Post by: enlighten me on September 01, 2014, 11:39:06 AM
It has been said before that it is like being a burns victim where they are over sensitised to the slightest touch.

Yes a very sad existence indeed.


Title: Re: An entire life void of care or feeling for anyone or anything?
Post by: freedom33 on September 01, 2014, 11:41:11 AM
the last thing we can say about BPDs is that they have no feelings.  

I believe there is a difference between feelings and emotions. They certainly have a lot of uncontrolled emotions. In my mind feeling is something more refined, directed and relational. This is certainly lacking in them.

They are like a muscle car with a tank full of 100 octane gasoline and no steering wheel attached.


Title: Re: An entire life void of care or feeling for anyone or anything?
Post by: bungenstein on September 01, 2014, 11:42:44 AM
I think with BPD it is not so much a void of feeling it is the opposite:  too much feeling and no healthy way to cope with the intensity of their feelings.  Their resulting behaviors may, on the surface, seem like they have no feelings but the last thing we can say about BPDs is that they have no feelings. 

Yes, it is very sad, painful and lonely for many of them. 

Sorry I don't mean no feeling at all, they have plently of feeling about themselves, I mean no feeling for OTHERS, no passions, no emotions about anything outside of how 'objects' can benefit them.

Upon the realisation that my ex didn't really have care for anyone, and also realised she didn't really have care for anything either, her only 'interest' was cooking, which seemed to give her constant anxiety anyway, the only reason it seemed to me she had this interest was because it was another way of keeping men on a hook.


Title: Re: An entire life void of care or feeling for anyone or anything?
Post by: Harri on September 02, 2014, 11:50:26 AM


Bungenstein, thanks for the clarification.  I understand what you were saying now. 

Freedom 33, thanks to your post, I have been on a quest to understand the difference between feelings and emotions.  I have read several articles, but I still don't quite get it.  I do like your distinction and I think it is important for me to understand the difference.  I think the more clear I can be in my thoughts and words, the better i will be able to understand what I am experiencing.   

Thanks again.   :)


Title: Re: An entire life void of care or feeling for anyone or anything?
Post by: freedom33 on September 02, 2014, 12:02:20 PM
Harri - The way I understand it is that emotion is something more impersonal, unrefined, raw e.g. I don't have emotions for someone. It's almost like a reflex, instinctual sensation. Whereas feelings almost imply (in my mind) that are in relation to something.

Also emotions are something more temporal, of and in the moment, more fleeting. Feelings as I understand them is about having some constancy and duration in time. (speaking of which BPD lack object constancy - that's one of their big triggers of abandonment fears).

Anyway, that's an interpretation that I have come up and sort of resonates with me.