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Title: zero empathy for me or her family? Post by: Flora73 on September 01, 2014, 02:35:47 PM My BPD on again off again GF has zero empathy for me or her family?
Shows it to friends and I do believe it exists for them while they are of use. Do BPD have empathy for themselves? I don't think she does? Title: Re: Empathy Post by: 123Phoebe on September 01, 2014, 04:13:09 PM Do BPD have empathy for themselves? I don't think she does? Hi Flora What makes you think she doesn't have empathy for herself? Title: Re: Empathy Post by: Flora73 on September 01, 2014, 04:41:57 PM Hi 123Phoebe
I don't know if she does or dosen't... .? I'm just trying to find out if its a trait of BPD She is incredibly hard on herself (a perfectionist). Very rigid in views (black & white) never cuts her self slack or others including myself. If I get ill she can't tolerate it and states this. I guess a reaction to her not getting her usual supply of attention from me. Title: Re: Empathy Post by: waverider on September 01, 2014, 07:53:15 PM Not heard it phrased as empathy for herself before, but I see what you mean. I think it comes down to not really having a true sense of who they are, what they stand for and acceptance of their own self worth. Always self critical.
As far as empathy for friends (ie those not in an emotional RS) this is on a superficial level, partly about how they are perceived and playing rescuer role (ie them),and only stands as long as it doesn't conflict with their own needs and impulses. They have no time for things, or people, that inconvenience them, their own inability to meet their own needs included. So any empathy has to work around these constraints. Title: Re: Empathy Post by: Skip on September 03, 2014, 10:19:00 AM Hi Flora73,
You may be rolling empathy, sympathy, self esteem, compassion, and resentment all together. It will be easier to understand to tease these all apart. I can't do it in one post, so I will just take on empathy. Empathy is the ability to see others points of view from their perspective. Below is a rating list. Where are you - how well do you understand her? Where is your partner- how well does she understand you? Be fair (its hard) :) Empathy is the one skill that really helps in relationships and one we often over rate ourselves with. Skip DSM 5 Empathy Assessment Levels Healthy (0) Capable of accurately understanding others’ experiences and motivations in most situations. Comprehends and appreciates others’ perspectives, even if disagreeing. Is aware of the effect of own actions on others. Mild impairment (1) Somewhat compromised in ability to appreciate and understand others’ experiences; may tend to see others as having unreasonable expectations or a wish for control. Although capable of considering and understanding different perspectives, resists doing so. Inconsistent is awareness of effect of own behavior on others. Impaired (2) Hyper-attuned to the experience of others, but only with respect to perceived relevance to self. Excessively self-referential; significantly compromised ability to appreciate and understand others’ experiences and to consider alternative perspectives. Generally unaware of or unconcerned about effect of own behavior on others, or unrealistic appraisal of own effect. Very Impaired (3) Ability to consider and understand the thoughts, feelings and behavior of other people is significantly limited; may discern very specific aspects of others’ experience, particularly vulnerabilities and suffering. Generally unable to consider alternative perspectives; highly threatened by differences of opinion or alternative viewpoints. Confusion or unawareness of impact of own actions on others; often bewildered about peoples’ thoughts and actions, with destructive motivations frequently misattributed to others. Extreme Impairment (4) Pronounced inability to consider and understand others’ experience and motivation. Attention to others' perspectives virtually absent (attention is hypervigilant, focused on need-fulfillment and harm avoidance). Social interactions can be confusing and disorienting. Title: Re: zero empathy for me or her family? Post by: waverider on September 04, 2014, 03:44:45 AM All pwBPD are different though they dont all exhibit the same traits to the same extent. Some may even find empathy painfull as they take what you feel, take it on board until the emotion becomes theirs and they can overload. eg Some can find it painful watching sad things on TV, having difficulty identifying themselves as seperate identity. Others just blank it.
As empathy is all about feelings and emotions and BPD is about difficulty with regulating emotions it often becomes an area of contention |