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Title: Charming Does it make a difference who ends it? Post by: merlin4926 on September 01, 2014, 05:07:12 PM My ex BPD has told me several times he hates me wants nothing to do with me etc but then gets back in contact sucks me in again after a few weeks. This time it was me who told him I am done (and I mean it).
I have since had horrible texts from him saying he will never contact me again etc but I wonder if he is less likely to Charm because this time it's come from me? Or is it more likely to make him push the boundarys? I feel bad door breaking the way I did and 'dumping' him out of the blue in his eyes but he would have killed me Title: Re: charming Does it make a difference who ends it? Post by: fromheeltoheal on September 01, 2014, 05:17:42 PM Everything about a borderline revolves around abandonment and trying to avoid it. I always think it's funny how a borderline will tell us they will never contact us again by sending a caustic contact; a 'normal' person would just not contact. It's bait, a ploy, and he's been able to recycle with you before, so why not try again.
All the drama is a result of the push/pull nature of the disorder, and the messages now are called an extinction burst in BPD-lingo. Read: he's freaking out because he thinks the abandonment he's terrified of is happening, and that will continue until he gets tired or finds another attachment, another shiny object to take his attention. The best thing you can do if you're committed to being done is not respond, act bored and disinterested if you do end up talking or whatever, and start to focus on a future without him. Pretty pathetic that we just need to play dead until they go away, but such is the disorder. Take care of you! Title: Re: charming Does it make a difference who ends it? Post by: drummerboy on September 01, 2014, 05:19:43 PM Me uBPDexgf dumped me but kept minimal contact with me. In the end I sent her a text saying that I didn't think she was a very nice person. She went NC. A few months later I stupidly started to text her, I apologised for the text where I said she isn't a nice person and just wanted to check on her to see that she was all right. She has not replied at all. I think that my nasty text confirmed what she already thought about me and I doubt I'll ever hear from her again. So by you doing the dumping I doubt you'll ever hear from him. Just my thoughts.
Title: Re: charming Does it make a difference who ends it? Post by: drummerboy on September 01, 2014, 05:25:26 PM When we broke up my uBPDexgf put a post on FB that said "Signing off FB for a while" and I thought, why would anyone post that? Wouldn't you just stop using FB? This was just after she had broken up with me and requested a few weeks of NC, then she posted on FB saying "I've dropped my bundle" which made me contact her. Again, why would anyone post that on FB? Anyway, I think she's back with her ex who has chronically low self esteem and will be treating her like the little girl that she is. Her parents treat her like a little girl too and we all know how little girls crave attention, good or bad. Well no more attention from me anymore.
Everything about a borderline revolves around abandonment and trying to avoid it. I always think it's funny how a borderline will tell us they will never contact us again by sending a caustic contact; a 'normal' person would just not contact. It's bait, a ploy, and he's been able to recycle with you before, so why not try again. All the drama is a result of the push/pull nature of the disorder, and the messages now are called an extinction burst in BPD-lingo. Read: he's freaking out because he thinks the abandonment he's terrified of is happening, and that will continue until he gets tired or finds another attachment, another shiny object to take his attention. The best thing you can do if you're committed to being done is not respond, act bored and disinterested if you do end up talking or whatever, and start to focus on a future without him. Pretty pathetic that we just need to play dead until they go away, but such is the disorder. Take care of you! Title: Re: charming Does it make a difference who ends it? Post by: Suspicious1 on September 01, 2014, 05:39:57 PM Same story here. My ex dumped me three times and recycled within weeks each time. This time it was me who walked and I've not heard from him in three months. His tactic was to avoid abandonment by dumping me if he ever thought I was withdrawing, therefore he could always get in first and avoid abandonment. This time I'm sure that he's trying to turn my rejection of him into his rejection of me. That was always crucial to him.
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