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Just how do I begin working on my codependency issues? I feel so overwhelmed.  Everything I read makes it seem like it should be easy. I know, right now, I'm in a FOG. I'm scared,  lonely, confused, pissed,  everything.  I have to change myself but where oh where do I start?

This is a pretty good book,

www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself-ebook/dp/B00BS027FC/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1409619076&sr=1-2&keywords=the+new+codependency

You might want to at least read the sample chapter. Would you consider seeing a therapist, that is probably you're best bet. You are definitely on the right track!

Unfortunately I don't have the money to be seeing a therapist and my health insurance from work is crap as far as brain cootie treatment goes. Then there's the guilt trips I receive from uBPDbf for even making an appointment.  "if I can't have it neither can you" type of thinking. He was in therapy himself but his parents were paying for it. It created a huge amount of guilt for him coupled with the fact that I'm pretty sure his therapist was ill-equipped to deal with more than the PTSD and DID he diagnosed him with. I think the therapist knew more than he was letting us to believe. It, in turn, turned the bf sour on therapists. My theory is he feels abandoned by his therapist and refuses to try again out of fear. So you see, therapy isn't even on the table for either of us right now

I am in a similar boat as you. I don't have health insurance and have been trying to work through things on my own. I did call a therapist that has a sliding scale fee and set up a free information session. Whether or not I will actually be able to go remains to be seen. But, I feel like it is a step in the right direction. Sometimes, the act of looking up therapists is helpful. Some of them have really good resources on their web pages.

The book recommendation is a good one. If you don't have a lot of money to spend on books, check out your local thrift stores. Sometimes, you can find some really good self help books there for really cheap.

Also, there are CODA meetings that are free that you might want to check into in your area.

Something that has helped me a lot is to focus on the self care aspects. I feel like I fell into codependent patterns because I had become too isolated. I had nothing to really compare things to so it was rather easy to normalize things that weren't really normal. Oh, and my dad suggested that I get away for a week by myself. That was last year. It really helped me to see how much of myself I had sacrificed while taking care of my husband.

And self care is huge!

Great recommendation!  If no CODA, Alanon has many people that attend who refer to "dry drunks" and BPDs seem to fit the description.  Alanon is really good about helping me get the focus back on myself.

Here is another codepedency book

Conquering Shame and Codependency (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?action=profile;u=58861;sa=showPosts)