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Got this message today... .I am NC for 16 days... .

Havent answered... .Should I? I do not wish to engage in this toxic relationship. I was a mess till 2 days ago, now I am working hard on my codependency issues and I am quite well... .Untill this... .HELP!

Hi

I understand that I hurt you and that you couldn't handle it anymore. I understand that you are hurt. But know this, I am still working on myself and if you someday wish to be with me, you are always welcome. Because you own my heart. I vowed my love to you and that hasn't changed.

You can hide all you want or you can let go of the anger and just be

This man has and will always love you.

No matter what we both said out of anger and hurt, I love you

Come what may

i hope all is well with you and with your family


Note: 1. there is NO apology... .

        2. I didnt say anything out of anger. All I said was "I cant take this anymore" and he        went of on a major rage after the initial rage... .Gaslighting?

        3. He's been posting very negative things about me on FB

        4. I think he has tried to hook up with on of his affairs, but she turned him down. I so wanna confront him with that! He thinks I am stupid I guess.

Hello recooperating -- I know how hard this is, and it's good to make a considered decision here.   I know, for me, learning to respond rather than react helped empower me -- and posting here was a good method for me as well.

No contact is a tool for your healing.   Yet, there is not a single path to NC.  Questions to ask yourself:

1.  Would you find it healing to write a brief note for closure?  You can use the BIFF acronym (Brief, Friendly, Informative & Firm) if you want to draw a clear boundary and say goodbye.

2.  Would it be more helpful to you to stay No Contact?  You may find that enforcing boundaries with no contact is more empowering for you.

3.  What emotions are you feeling right now?  Anger? Sadness? Longing?  It can help to identify each, and even take 24-48 hours to see how (or if) emotions change.

3.  What emotions are you feeling right now?  Anger? Sadness? Longing?  It can help to identify each, and even take 24-48 hours to see how (or if) emotions change.[/quote]
I think this is a good thing for me to live by: give it a day or two and see how I feel about things, because in my anger I've sent messages I maybe shouldn't have... .

Thanks for the support and good advice... .I have no idea what to do, so for now staying NC is probably best. I would like to ask him if he's out of his freaking mind! Trying to hook up with "the affair" that tormented me, getting turned down and then sending me a message like this?

Love me, my ass!

We can establish that what I feel is anger, confusion and repulsiveness.

What a f-ing dusche this guy! He probably tried to hook up with every "box" possible but failed and now he's back to me? Yep... .Anger it is... .  :)

Oh my. I am so sorry. I get almost the same messages sometimes. Mine varies from "its all his fault and how sorry he is" to 'its all my fault and how mean I am". No matter what the theme he can't own his part in the problem for long and almost immediately splits me again to black. I suspect yours would too if you respond.

I think for me NC is the best solution. I can't see any other way to deal with it.

Mine is coming to collect the rest of his belongings tomorrow morning. I am leaving when he arrives just to avoid any further heartache on either part. We won't even see one another.

I think they reach out because they are lonely and scared and miss the positive we provided. That doesn't mean they have made any lasting changes to make reunion possible. Sorry. I wish it were different but I don't think it is.

I am sending you a giant hug. 

Recooperating--see this for what it is: pure manipulation:  red-flag; nothing more and nothing less. There is an ego out there that is looking for validation and acknowledgement, can you hear him? Is he still there in your mind? Do you ache for him the way he aches in his self-created vacuousness? He is using your heart and kindness against you. Please use it for you: love you the way he professes to. He is a liar. He wishes to lure you in only for his own false self worth. I recommend don't engage --do not let him push any buttons, which he is trying to do. Give it no energy. In my case, that is low contact. Ultimately, we all must strive for no contact. Please keep us posted.

Recooperating,

I know you're struggling with your ex right now but your post just made me laugh and all I have to say is... .

YOU GO GIRL!  :)

Panda39

Recooperating, I am so sorry you are going through this and I can relate to your anger today!  I received a very similar email a day ago where he was professing his love, telling me that there is no one else for him, etc, blah blah blah and when I decided to respond last night I asked him to explain what about the 'outdoorsy woman he was seeing that makes him smile all the time now' that he told all his family about at his family reunion (and his SIL told me)... .I caught him in a lie and called him on it which he did not like!  First he tries to ignore the question, then tries to change the subject, then tries to play mind games and finally turns on me and accuses me of not getting over things as fast as him and to leave him alone!  Gah!  So if I had to do it over again I would have just ignored him. 

With you recooperating!   16 DAYS! Whoa, so good. That is one mind-warping email, but it sounds like you are analyzing it well.

i am on day 4 of no contact, but am under a constant barrage of texts... .the most recent tonight being, "can you please talk to me? i miss telling you about my day"   i felt like answering, "tell [my replacement]," but i didn't want to start with him.

like you said, recooperating, no apology and as we discussed on another thread, he's still taking jabs at me on instagram.

out of his freaking mind is an understatement.

Stay strong girl!  I would get similar messages from my BPD. Especially the "I have and always will love you."  She used to bombard me with that phrase the first few years. Now (we have been together almost 6) I hardly ever hear it. So recooperating... .I don't know how long you two have been together but what I can say from my experience over time BPDs at least mine used this phrase less and less as time went on. Which doesn't surprise me. You have to know what love is in order to give and receive it. Bpds have no idea what or how to love.

F*CK!'

I sent this... .

Thank you, considering the circumstances all is well with me and my family. I hope you and your family are to.

thank you for understanding my hurt. I also understand you are very hurt and I am truely sorry you feel that way.

I am glad to hear you are still working on yourself. I am too and I will continu to do so to.

I am not angry (anymore). I just wish better for the both of us then chaos, destruction, anger and resentment.

I have explained the reasons already to you and your T. , so I guess there's no need to get into that again.

I wish you peace of mind and all the happiness in the world as I wish that for myself too and that requires a lot of work.

Take good care, goodbye

And what do I get... .? Full on anger!' His T said he didnt need help, I was the problem all along... .His T diagnosed him, but now he twisted into me giving him the diagnoses and his T says it was all me! I was this, I was that bla bla bla bla

I replied: Please notice that I did not wish conflict with you, but you are being conflictive right now. Consider your problem solved as I am out your life. I wish you all the best and please stop contacting me.

He went on and on and on and on... .Pfff how did I put up with this all this time?

I ended with: I getting off of your crazy train, goodluck with your next conflictive r/s. Take care.

And I blocked him... .Jeeeezzz what a looney tune!

So back to NC day 0!

Recooperating... .

Don't beat yourself up. I sent a message to my ex the other day. I believe I said "Sh*t" instead of "Fu*k" when I sent my message. Lol.

You blocked him... .Good for you. Go easy on yourself and cut yourself some slack. You are human and you wanted closure and to be kind. He responded with rage because he didn't get the answer he wanted. Now you can start healing.

It is almost eerie how similar these stories are to my life and to our experiences. 

A week or so into NC I got almost the exact same email.  She did apologize for "her anger getting out of control", referring to the night she became the most dysregulated I had ever seen and told me she wanted me out of her life forever.

That followed with a barrage of calls, texts, emails, and voicemails that she just wanted to "talk to me for 5 minutes and she would be out of my life forever". 

It was so hard but I remained strong with NC.  No answer from me whatsoever. 

It is so sad and hard to acknowledge, but this is all manipulation.  I am in immense pain, as I see the others on here are, but I am committed to NC (almost 3 weeks now).  That said, things happen. I went back so many times after I swore her off, but this time I am for real.  It is all a process and we will all get there.  Stay strong. 

This is similar to me, I sent a very nice message,  telling her i cared so much and that I hoped for the best and wasn't closing the door to anything in the future but needed a long time to recover from this,  honestly I was kind and gentle as you could be and the response I got was pure hatred and tgat I was all that was wrong in the world