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Got an email from my attorney saying I am divorced.  This process started in Oct... .She met replacement in dec... .served me with papers in jan.  15 yrs 12 married 3 kids. (3 affairs)   Saw her today for a few mins of LC due to kids.   

I feel so wierd right now.   I knew it was over long ago.   My mind and heart know the deal.  But damn i still want her sexually. 

I think i going to let myself have a good cry today listening to "all of me" john legend.

Damn i really loved her.  I would have been with her forever.   

How can somwone willingly destroy the family and then work on replacing it as quickly as possible.  (I know the reasons from this board).  I just having a hard time wrapping my head around it today.   But i been waiting for this now for several months.  Its officalky over.   Hopefully this helps bring me closure. 

Have a Great day everyone thanks for reading

G

Thank you for sharing G.  It is a bittersweet moment.   That said, it sounds like you have 3 beautiful children, and a good perspective (which will bring you -- and your children -- peace and happiness).

Hey, I'm about to sign the papers tomorrow.  I can definitely relate to your situation.  Best wishes.

Hey Gmoney, Been there; done that.  Now the healing can begin in earnest.  It sounds like you are still in a lot of pain, but I predict a day will come when you will be grateful to be out of a marriage to a pwBPD.  In the meantime, hang in there.  LuckyJim

Not as much as I was.  I am somewhere around anger and indifference.  I get anixity when I know I have to see her which is maybe once a month or so.   I just want the day to come where she means nothing to me like I mean nothing to her. 

On a side note had saw her back to back days. She is still full of lies.  First she told me she got fired. I asked if she filed for unemployment she said no.   I thought that was strange. Today she clarified that she she was working for same company until she can get wvidence to sue them.   I realized right away she was fishing for sympathy from me.  In my mind I said to myself go find what you looking for from your replacement.   That's just one example of things she has said to elicit sympathy from me.  Pre BPD boards I would still be doing the dance with her. 

Her response to my email today that we were officially divorced and good luck to you was OK thanks.  I guess part of me was hoping for a mea culpa from her on how she destroyed the family but that was just a fantasy. My head knows that will never come     

The day of my divorce I walked away just feeling numb.  Nothing else.  I was married for 19 years, with her for 22 and have 2 children.  She threw it all away.  Abandoned all of us and all of her animals, her home and everything she'd known for a dumbass, redneck, ignorant POS.   It's just what they do.

I'm 3 years out now and I can honestly tell you, I'm glad she's gone.  We all are and you will be too some day.

Does that mean it's all freaking roses and sunshine?  Nope.  Not at all.  I probably will live out the rest of my life alone but I've come to terms with that.  I was born and raised by the queen/witch version of a BPD and it's what I've been conditioned to.  I don't know how to have a normal relationship.  I hope to God this isn't you.  I hope that for everyone that has gone through what we have gone through.

Everyone says "you'll be stronger, better, etc., etc." and yeah that's true but you'll also be different.  In what way, only you will know.

Good luck no matter what your future holds.  I know only one thing for a fact, life is WAY better WITHOUT them than with them.  Even alone.

Cheers

Thank you for the words.  I know I will be better off and the kids as well without her.  I know now what a healthy relationship should be. No have boundries and  I will be stable for the kids.