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Title: "I never loved you" Post by: JohnThorn on September 05, 2014, 04:20:42 PM The other day I found out my uBPD ex is with (and in love according to her) the man who she slept with when we were trying to work things out. I also have reason to believe that this man gave my ex an STD which she later now gave to me. We had been sleeping with one another up until about a month ago. One thing she said in our last conversation which took place Tuesday as I was holding back the tears is was "I realized after falling in love with him that I never really was in love with you."
Bare in mind, she has been my ex for 8 months but we have continuously been intimate during a long break up period where she comes back suddenly and tells me how she loves me etc. She never sounded so cold and distant from me. It hurts me so. What is the purpose of telling someone who is literally being crushed that you never loved them. I know its part of BPD behavior, but I still don't get it. I took off work today after I have been suffering sleepless nights and can't seem to cope with life. Title: Re: "I never loved you" Post by: enlighten me on September 05, 2014, 04:25:53 PM Hi John
It is very hard for us to accept that they never truly loved us. My ex wife told me that she loved me but was not in love with me. My personal opinion is that they don't truly understand love. They don't have the emotional maturity to fall in love. What she considers to be love with her new man is nothing more than the fact that at this moment in time he fulfils her needs and this makes her feel good so she mistakes it for love. As I say that is only my take on it. Title: Re: "I never loved you" Post by: LettingGo14 on September 05, 2014, 05:06:50 PM JT -- I am sorry you have suffered because of her words. The fact is, she was with you, even during the time she was with someone else. Words are words, actions are actions. The words ring in our ears, of course. And they hurt. But, I'm sure she told you other things as various points, like that she loved you. If you truly step back, words are used as both weapons and defenses. My ex-girlfriend's words contradicted actions, and even contradicted themselves, at many points. When she felt cornered, or condemned, or defenseless, the stuff she said could have scalded me. And it did at the time. How do we release ourselves from the torture of the words? First, we have to allow ourselves to grieve what we felt we lost. It is a loss -- even if we feel victimized, or traumatized. Second, we have to figure out how to re-frame what happened. We have to figure out how we relate to it. Often times, we are not going to get the closure or clarity from the other person. It's only going to come from within. Keep posting and putting one foot in front of the other. I've used this list alot Surviving a Breakup with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder - 10 Beliefs That Can Get You Stuck (https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/10_beliefs.pdf) Title: Re: "I never loved you" Post by: JohnThorn on September 05, 2014, 05:12:37 PM I wish so desperately i wasn't leaving this relationship with my genitals scarred and with a permanent std. It makes it so much harder.
Title: Re: "I never loved you" Post by: Bak86 on September 05, 2014, 05:16:35 PM Mine said she never loved me either. She did though in her own way, it was pretty obvious. Actions speak louder than words... .
Title: Re: "I never loved you" Post by: LettingGo14 on September 05, 2014, 05:23:42 PM I wish so desperately i wasn't leaving this relationship with my genitals scarred and with a permanent std. It makes it so much harder. Understood. And acknowledged. And agreed. Be angry. Work through the anger. But, don't forget to realize that you can still have a life. If it was a car wreck, and you had physical injuries, or chronic pain, it may leave you angry too. But, what happened, happened, JT. I say this with empathy, because life is not over. You can manage STDs. Right? |