BPDFamily.com

Hi!  After all my hopefully constructive comments yesterday - I now need help to release the rage!  Things are coming to a head with the sale of my  Mum's house, my uBPDsis is working really hard to stop us completing on time, the estate agent played me a message from her today (she always phones out of hours so she doesn't have to speak to anyone).  In the message she said she was assaulted yesterday (I don't even believe her - it's just another sympathy/attention seeking ploy), then she came out with lies that she was waiting on me to agree removal costs with her!  The estate agent totally sees through it, which makes me feel better, but I am currently having to be reminded of it all the time, as I try to do what I can to stop us losing the sale.  I can feel myself tensing up, clenching my teeth, getting headaches etc.  So it's not easy!  I texted her last night to say I would be over on Wednesday to take any of my property and meet with clearance people, so I am expecting a nasty letter or text any time soon. AAARRRGGGGHHH!  But I will chill again!  Going to go for a walk later.  JB

Hi Linda Maria/JB.  What a frustrating situation!  Arrrgh!  When I try to imagine being in your position I think I would feel angry and torn with the desire to be free of her drama but knowing that if I say anything to defend myself or to tell her to stop messing around, it might cause her to become even more difficult!  It is a hard enough situation even in the best of circumstances. 

You will get through this, but in the meantime, keep breathing  :) , go for your walks and just know that you are doing everything you possibly can. 

Take care. 

Hi Linda maria

it is understandable that you are frustrated and mad. BPD people know exactly how to oush buttons! I find I get quite frustrated mostly when i am thinking along the lines of "I wish she just wouldn't <insert action here>" or "Why can't she just <_____>

When it comes down to how SHE is making ME feel. Then I find the only real way to get relief is to tell myself "You are well within your rights to feel angry: this is bad behaviour. But what do YOU want to do?" It's critical I remind myself that in these times, I am dealing with a 6 yearold emotionally. Whether they can or can't get a grip - whether they are like that due to bad behaviour or due to disordered emotional states doesn't matter. The behaviour is bad and unacceptable."

Once i have validated myself and reminded myself that it's not MY fault. It's NOT my problem to fix - I have CHOICES and RIGHTS in what I do next, then my focus comes on myself. What do I want to do? This enables me, gives me self permission to make choices that will make me happy. Or if not happy certainly less angry!

Linda they are going to push your buttons. It's inevitable. What's NOT inevitable is how you choose to view it. Your reaction or decision on what to do about it is not inevitable. You can do WHATEVER you want! The results may not be ideal but surely they have to be better than being stuck in an impotent rage that just leaves you feeling bad?

Maybe you could write a list? What would I like to do? It doesn't even have to be realistic - just a tool to get you on the way to remembering you are not subject to someone else's silliness.

Do let us know how it all develops

Best of

Ziggiddy

thanks Harri and Ziggiddy!  Good to "talk" with people who get it.  I am absolutely dreading going there on Wednesday.  On the one hand, the place could be a real mess - it was starting to be a mess over a year ago - or she could have got rid of lots of my stuff just to be mean - and will pretend that she told me she was doing it and never heard from me.  I am just waiting for her to pretend that I have stolen my Mum's jewellery, so I can't have anything of hers.  My husband will be with me, and I have arranged for a couple of clearance firms to come - just to give quotes - but I think she will make a huge scene.  But I have to go and do this - can't put it off anymore.  I just hope we don't lose the sale - I can't cope with much more of this - I had been doing really well, but now I have the aches and pains back, excema on my arms, headaches, and I've only been back from holiday a week!  Oh well - I knew this would come - by Thursday hopefully the worst will be over and I will know what I'm up against.  She will probably have an army of people there - as "protection" as god knows what she has been telling people recently.  I hope that is the case - she might be less likely to kick off if there's anyone there she has any respect for.  Anyway - will try to stop obsessing - I know it won't help  - and yes- Zigiddy - I will make a list of what I want to achieve on Wednesday to get some focus.   thanks a million.  JB