BPDFamily.com

Talking to her parents... .Should I ?

My ex BPD GF ended our 18 month relationship.

I met her parents twice. I know they are aware of their daughters history, 2

marriages, a cutting incident where she lost custody of her children and I'm

sure many more difficult situations over the years.

I want to talk to them about her, maybe gain more insight and maybe they will

confirm my BPD opinion. I do this all out of love and understanding of course.

Is this a bad idea ?

Of course they cannot tell the GF I talked to them. This will make the GF loose

all trust in the parents as well as see me as too noisy and prying into a

situation.

I want to try again with the GF. I know I should leave well enough alone and

move on, but I still want to try.

Your thoughts ?

FYI... .This website has taught me so much, I wish I came here 17 months ago.

What do you hope to gain by doing this? 

What is the potential downfall?

Good question.

Insight I don't have. Maybe she really had already been diagnosed with a disorder. Maybe her parent know how the GF really feels about me. Maybe the parents will tell me to stop wasting my time and move on to someone else to love.

Downside... .We've already broken up... .Where's the downside ?

I know I'm obsessing a bit here... .But I guess I just want to keep talking to someone.

Thx

To what end... .?

Some things I ask before taking actions are 1) am I telling someone something they already know? 2) Is there any good that would come of it?

If you told her parents, would that give you the outcome you wanted? Examine the scenarios:

-they could say "yes, she has BPD, she has been diagnosed, we are aware."   What does that get you, her, or her parents?

-They could say "no, we didn't know."  And what does that get you?

If you are hoping a conversation with her parents will help you win her back, I'd suggest not even bothering because it will in no way help you win her back.  If you feel you need validation, go ahead, but be prepared that you may not get it, or that validation won't have the effect you want.  Will it make you feel better to hear directly from her parents that she has BPD? You already know she has issues, you witnessed them :)  Is that validation enough? 

On the other hand, if your goal is simply to inform her parents your thoughts in hopes that they can help themselves deal with her better - by all means.  I'm guessing, though, they have already dealt with enough crud from her and are already burnt out.

Believe me, I have thought about this many, many times, and ultimately conclude the same thing - that talking to her friends, parents, relatives won't in any way fix her or fix the relationship.  All it would do is get something off my chest. 

I sent a letter to my ex's dad. No reply. I don't know what I was hoping to achieve. I think he in over his daughter and her crud.

How long since you broke up, and to what extent has she moved on?