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So frustrated.  The first sign of any trouble was May 8th (this year) when she tried to kill herself by cutting the insides of her forearms up pretty bad.  That was the first time she was admitted to the psych unit.  They told us they usually kept kids for 3-5 days.  They kept her 6.  They got her started on meds, she saw a therapist within a week of leaving and a psychiatrist within 10 days.  She continues to see the therapist weekly and the psychiatrist monthly, though her last appointment (supposed to be 9/3) got cancelled and couldn't be rescheduled until 9/29.

On July 9th, she went to her weekly therapist appt.  Things had been mostly fine, but her anger was building again.  She told her therapist that she was having a very hard time not thinking about suicide.  That it had never really stopped after her hospitalization (even though she told us it had) and was getting worse to the point she was formulating a new plan.  Back in she goes, same unit, 6 days again.  A week after she was released, her psychiatrist diagnosed her with BPD. Oh the docs in the unit changed all of her meds while she was there.  So even though she had only been on Zoloft for 60 days, they decided it wasn't working.  I had tried to argue for them to just increase the dose as I felt she hadn't been on it long enough to really be able to tell if it was working or not.  She was still on a low dose at that point.  But the resident kept acting like I didn't have a choice, so I finally consented and they switched her to Prozac.

The tension has been building again.  I started getting anxious as we were nearing the 60 day mark, not sure what was going to happen.  We went to her therapy Monday, Sept. 8th and again she told her therapist that she couldn't distract herself anymore and had a new plan.  She at least was honest this time and told her psychiatrist and therapist that the suicidal thoughts didn't go away again this time, though if I asked her at home she would say she was fine.

Her therapist brought me into her appt to tell me that she had a new plan and was having a hard time distracting herself again.  I told him that all she would need to do, is ask my husband, my 17yo DD or myself and we would help her find ways to distract herself.  She doesn't tell any of us about this stuff.  She also had her therapist tell me a lot of other things, that if she had just told me at home, we could have worked on and solved with some ease instead of this big dramatic performance.  One of the things she told him to tell me (why am I still playing telephone, I always hated that game) was that she wants a structured schedule, she thinks it will help if she knows what is supposed to happen when.  This is very frustrating for me.  Every time I have tried to give her even the slightest schedule she has completely ignored it and done whatever she pleased.  I don't want to make more rules/guidelines just for her to break them.   

Dear Jessmomof8

Your story is very similar to mine. My dd17 started to really have problems around the age of 13/14... .many overdoses and hospitalizations. Many med changes etc which was a real rollercoaster. I think they need to try and find something to stabilizer her... .meds take time to work and often take more time to get to full strength. During this time things are not going to be easy... .your dd is struggling and she needs you now to be her advocate.

What is going on right now in her world... .why do you think she is suicidal? Is school a stessor? Friends? Did something happen? My dd was raped at this earlier age and I only recently found out about it. Is she taking drugs? Do you think homeschooling her for a time will help her regain stability?

If she want a schedule then I would sit down with her and make one together... .is her life very busy? Reducing activities might be good for her.

How long has she been seeing her T? It is good that she can talk with her/him... .does her T do DBT therapy? That gives them coping skills... .something they lack. I really am sorry things are not good for you and your dd right now but they will get better. My dd has come a long ways and even though she struggles at times I see her maturing and she in more stable.

Hugs

I remember those early days when dd was in school and the drama of in and out of the hospital. My dd was asked to leave the hospital because she was teaching kids plans and ways to hide it.  Whatever you do not bail her out.  Let them do the whole process and get the information they need to come up with a plan.  Note date and times and medication (spreadsheet with password protected).  :)o not show it to her.  Listen more than you know she's scared herself because she doesn't know anything more than you and it's happening to her.  :)on't be afraid of her.  Everyone thought that my daughter would hurt me but I was more afraid for her although there was time.  You will get exhausted and need a break.

You will notice a pattern and this is early in this stage.  You may also notice her friend leaving and ones you will hate show up.  They tend to seek each other out and the drama will start.  She may start talking about running off.  You want to avoid it although at the same time you will want a break.  Staying home is key to the better process.  Read everything you can on this site even the stuff on relationships with other including your spouse.  It may take a strain on your relationship.  Have a confidante and a councillor for you will be a great relief.

My dd will tell me everything in time weather or not I want to know.  They seem to like validation of it.  You will know that a lot of celebrities have it is some way or another.

Rules.  You can start with them but they will change depending on her capability.  :)efine the consequences.  She will revolt against them.  Keep trying.  Consistency is a key.  It’s your house and she needs to know she’s not upsetting it whenever she’s out of control or threatened.  There are others that live there.

She has never been in school, has always been home schooled.  There has been a ton of stress since her first attempt in May.  As for friends - well, the sheriff's office has her cell phone because of who she and her former best friend were hanging around with.  They've had it for about 6 weeks now.  I just found out after her first attempt that my second husband (who I divorced 9 years ago) was molesting/raping my oldest daughter, now 21, the entire time.  It is completely possible that he molested her as well.  There has been no contact, but my oldest daughter bringing her abuse out in the open might be triggering something for my 14yo.

There are no DBT providers in our area.  I am looking at residential treatment centers.

She is rarely outwardly violent, so I don't worry about that.  I do have my own therapist.  Thank you.  :-)

Jess

There is not always one event that causes this kind of sudden change in behavior but in your case it does sound like there is a possibility that something might be driving this sudden change. I am so sorry for you and your dd. I don't always think you need DBT but it really has been helpful with my dd. How is your search going for RTC?

Still waiting for the first one to call me back before I call any others.  Mostly because I've been on the phone with other people all day.   :)

I think it works something like this. The T talks to d about problem solving. "What can your parents do to support you when... .?" And d doesn't have any idea, d just wants pain to stop. D wants to be able to do things other kids do, go to school, get homework done, have friends, go to games... .whatever. And so d says "If my parents would insist that I eat dinner and go to bed and do my homework, then I'd be able to cope." Never mind that parents may have been trying to make that happen all along, or that d has been fighting against all the rules and boundaries to the point that everyone is feeling crazy. But the T hasn't been there for all of this, and it sounds like a reasonable, rational request, something the parents can do, and look! D wants boundaries and structure. This is good right? But... .they may really want it, but they don't have the self-control to follow through or follow directions.

Counseling is tough when the kids are smart, and they know with their rational brain what would be a good idea. But their emotions are running the show at any given moment. So in therapy, it looks like they have the answers. And then they come home, and Just Can't Cope. And if the T isn't savvy about how all this works, they think the parents just aren't following through, or whatever. 

Hang in there... .keep documenting and advocating and maybe trying to find T's who really get BPD.   

YES!  That is exactly what I think is happening.  And I'm fairly certain her T is NOT savvy.  :-/