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Title: letting go to parental alienation Post by: nona on September 10, 2014, 09:01:15 PM So my new L says;
play nice, don't ruffle UBPDX. as though playing nice makes UBPDX be nice. otherwise he would have been soo nice ! L says D is already lost to X already F*****up with this much alienation. A month ago UBPDX had a rage and had D wanting to go to dads. Big drama, Child protection, and threats of change custody. Letters CC'd to his L. D almost hysterical with me at times to "move to dad's" I stayed calm.did not respond, and HE DID NOTHING. JUST manipulates D. D now refuses calls when she is at UBPDX house or his friends. He gives her to anyone but me when he is DR. at work at HOSPITAL @$%&%$^&*&_(&^@#@@#%^ has her "refusing and choosing her place" although our orders are ROFR. L says dont threaten him about ROFR. It all puts her in the middle. Ruffling poor BPDS feathers makes it worse for D. This IS STILL Hostage held over a barrell. Its what they do, and Believe it. Mine did it, just textbook. The last 2 visits with D were dramaless, perfectly fun normal visit. NO MENTION of "moving to dad's" I felt so great Until UBPDX drove away with her tonight. I insisted and counted on the ROFR to see my D ! He doesnt follow through. I feel responsible to be available every waking minute I know he is in clinic, to be available for her, Like I agreed in the orders. how am I supposed to schedule my life, when I committ to her? I committed to this. I am crumbling with the feelings of powerless of this chokehold he still has. Im so mad. how can I let go? Title: Re: letting go to parental alienation Post by: momtara on September 11, 2014, 06:46:15 AM I get nervous when my ex takes my kids too. I don't like the idea of anyone telling you to give up and let your D succumb to alienation. However, if they mean you just have to accept that she is with him for the time, well, that sounds about right.
Title: Re: letting go to parental alienation Post by: Whichwayisup on September 12, 2014, 07:33:08 AM Hi nona,
I can sense the frustration coming through your post; possibly as I am going through the exact same things right now. I have tried to enact the advice in "Splitting" but that's not to say it is easy - my eldest daughter is parroting some of the inconsequential opinions that I can attribute to BPDXW in addition to youngest daughter telling me I have upset her but is unable to tell me a reason why, how or when I may have upset her... .it is intensely hurtful on you and the child. I do not know what the future holds for you however I recognise you cannot control the situation, how to let go is a good question in a situation like this as it can feel like we are enabling the behaviours if we don’t' challenge them but conversely; challenging them gives them the supply they crave! Meanwhile innocent little children are emotionally and physical torn between unnecessary choices. I coach my children much more by asking if that is what they really think, this may not provide instant or quick relief to the hurt caused in the moment. I am thinking of you; you are doing all you can and one day I'm led to believe the children will appreciate and understand that you have been there for them, solid and stable. Regards, Whichwayisup |