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Anyone have experience with what to say to get a therapist who is actually familiar with dealing with those who (are/were) in relationships with borderlines, in cases where you don't get to choose?

For my insurance to cover therapy, it has to be with a therapist that they have a (supposedly confidential) outside service that matches me with, given a basic online questionnaire about my past and what I'm looking for. I can request male, female, religious, even gay, but no real control over who I get.

Round 1 I wasn't aware of the likely issue yet, just knew I was very confused and lost with dealing with this relationship... .and got someone who was actually able to call it on him being borderline.

But, it felt like he pretty much completely shoehorned me... .telling me that I was almost over this guy and better off for it... .which was very much not the page I was on... .and didn't really seem to be listening as much as pushing me to get over it and run. (And also tacked on bipolar as likely, which in the reading I've done, doesn't seem to match, the depressed spells were just hours long usually... .so I don't think he had too much experience on it).

The second try, I requested female hoping for a bit more understanding on feelings and filled out that I was looking for someone to talk to about relationship problems with someone who was likely borderline... .and was matched with someone who seems to be a good family relationship counselor, and who said she'd had some borderline patients over the years.

But she doesn't seem to have the foggiest clue of the differences between advice she would give in a normal scenario, and what she's telling me. I feel like I'm having to lead things... .that she doesn't really get that some of his actions are coming from that and make sense in that framework, and she doesn't get that some of the things she's telling me to consider are things that are likely to have the exact opposite result with him as what she is expecting thinking of a standard case. She's nice... .and would be great in one of my previous relationships maybe... .but I'm shaking my head sometimes and not really thinking it's what I'm needing from her.

Third try is a charm?

I'm thinking of just hitting for male again, and just mentioning I want to discuss borderline personality disorder but not mentioning it's as a concern of a person dealing with one rather than concern of being one... .figuring at least that gets me with someone who might know what he is dealing with.

But then, I've read how few patients with borderline some therapists will take because they are hard to handle, and think it might get shoved off from that where they might be more willing to work with someone just dealing with one (or with getting over one, depending how this goes) than they would be willing with being the poor person trying to be in charge of helping one minimize their damage from their own issues.

Any thoughts or advice? Anyone had to work with these referral services before?