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I know my s2bx is planning his attack (recordings, keeping mails etc), no idea if he'll come to action.

For the last 2-3 months, when I found out he'd seen a lawyer behind my back (we were still together, planning our holiday etc. !) I've been having nightmares about this.

I'm phoning lawyers on Monday to find a suitable one, and be prepared in case of an attack.

But I'd like your opinion on this.

Is judgment be a good thing or not?

I've thinking of it over and over again, and I can't figure anything out.

On one hand, a judgment would set boundaries and I wouldn't feel harassed anymore about where I go and whom I see with baby.

I would be less scared of him running away with baby... .I hope.

Things would be arranged in a way that we wouldn't need discussions anymore on this etc

BUT on the other hand, he's not able of looking after a baby an entire week-end (and I'm not at all reassured of him taking baby to his crazy family - especially his mum who abused her kids in the past). And even if he managed it somehow, it definitely couldn't be every other week end or so. What would he do with a baby or toddler when he's moody/depressed/angry or need to isolate himself on a video game the entire week-end?

Sorry about spelling, I havent figured out how to edit a message... .

You can make edits for about 20-30 minutes after you've made a post.  After you've posted your message:

• Look in the upper right corner of your message window and click on the word Modify.  It will open the full editing window identical to the one used to post a topic or reply.



• Or look in the lower right corner of your message window and click on that little "Pencil & Paper" symbol: (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/Themes/default/images/icons/modify_inline.gif)  It opens a simple edit window.

Boundaries are good.  You can have and control your boundaries but generally the ex won't listen to us, we are no longer respected nor perceived as having any authority.  However, family court is the Real Authority, regardless how much the ex insists otherwise.  Family court won't resolve all issues, but it's sure better than letting an entitled controller ex run rampant!

Thanks but I don't have a modify button (only a "notify" one lol) and no pencil and paper symbol either.

Seems I don't have the permission yet?

So you mean court is good ? (sorry if my thinking sounds childish, I thing it's all going mushy somehow)

This is precisely what you need to discuss with an attorney.  I do not think my stbx is capable of taking care of the baby due to x,y,z.  Give specific incidents to illustrate why you believe this.  Ask if you can ask the court to start with professional supervised visits for your stbx.  You do not feel comfortable with his family supervising due to past abuse by his mother to her children.  If you have any emails or texts that show his odd behavior, print those out also for the attorney to look at.

You sound like me.  I am always wondering if I should be scared of court or not.  However, the other side is often scared too, even if they don't act like that.  Don't be intimidated, but do be prepared.

Thanx to you both  :-)