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Hello all.

Well, today i would be 1 month NC. But i am not... .Yesterday i received a call from her. My heart pounded, i was thinking that i shouldnt pick up and i didnt. It ringed into voicemail. I regained my breath and decided to call her as i was curious about what she wanted. She didnt pick it up. Then she calls back. I pick up and say hello, she says hello, i ask why she called me and she goes like "i had a call from you and called you back". I say, yeah, because you called me and she says she didnt that she doesnt have any record on the phone from it. I say i have one of the call. She then says she is at university and might have been something that activated touch and called me acidently. I say ok, and tell her i was going to contact her anyway next week to give her her things that she left in my house and ask her if it is ok for her. She says it is. I say ok and say bye, she says bye too and thats it. I made it brief, simple and kept my distance. Im proud of it :).

Wth? Acidental call? Another lame excuse from her for sure... .And this morning i had another call from her that i had not even noticed until 11 am.

Any input on this? Any of ur exBPDgf did stuff like this? What does she want? She has a boyfriend she made on the internet about 5 days after we broke up. Does this mean they  are having trouble? Does she want to make me pursue her again? Remind me she exists? Do mind games with me and make me question myself like i was crazy ("you called me, not me" - like a mindf***?).

Help me decipher wth does this mean, if it happened to you as well, and what i can expect from this (hope she doesnt become obsessed with me and starts annoying me as i dont want to go back to her... .).

That's happend to me to. Part of manipulation and control and validation on her part. The fact that you called back shows her you still care. The fact that she said she didn't call you is a form of manipulation to get you to think about her more. Remember they hurt almost everyone they come in contact with. The only people they have in their lives are the ones that stick around by choice. If everyone she came into contact with was strong and never got hooked then they would have no one.

Outrageous isn't it? She is fckng with your head dude... .My xgf used to play mindgames like that. Manipulation, control and wanting to have the upper hand. These people can drive a saintly man crazy... .

Yeah, it makes sense to me. But why call me back today again? She saw i still cared a bit because i phoned back. But i remained distant on my contact, was brief, and used this contact to take care of the other stuff i wanted to solve. In fact it came handy that she called me as i took care of something i had in standby and next week ill give her the stuff.

Did she call me back today because of that? Because i was so normal and distant that she felt i didnt care and she had to make sure i did?


Yeah, this is so mindf****ing. She calls me, i call her and she accuses me of calling her first? WTH is this? Wants to make me the crazy one? The desperate one? Maybe she will convince herself i really did that and start telling everyone im stalking her O_O. Maybe she is trying to drive me insane... .

But what makes me more worried is that she called me back again today. Will this become normal? Calling me everyday and trying to mindf**** me?

She is trying to get back into your head, confuse you and clearly she is doing a great job so far. You are back into the game. She simply does not make any sense. Don't attempt to use rationality to explain the irrational. The only way to truly understand and empathise with her crazy behaviour and mind is to lose your mind and become crazy yourself. No need for that. Don't complain, don't explain. One thing is for sure, she doesn't care about you - it's always about her. Let it go.

Thank you for your opinion. I guess you are right. She never made any sense with her actions and reactions and until the very end i always tried to rationalize and excuse her for what she did based on her trauma. Now, from what i have seen and collected so far, this cant be only the trauma. What she did needed a lot of premeditation and a high degree of manipulation. Cant be just emotions left uncontrolled, this has to have some kind of intention. She knew what i felt was wrong, what i defined as intolerable and she stepped on it regardless of what i felt or what the consequences were for me, her or us.

Ill just ignore her on the next attempts. Im the one in control now and i talk to her when i want and need to. Which will be next week and then never again :).

There could be a million and one reasons why she's contacting you but none of them are selfless.  There is nothing here that will bring a positive for you or her.  NC is the best thing to do.

Yeah, i agree. So here i am again. Day 1 has gone sweet :D . She didnt cross my mind most of the time and when she did it was just to try to understand, nothing much emotional.

Lets start the counting again xD. My psychologist thinks this was good tough. To check how strong my foundations are after the earthquake. Seems they are standing strong so far :)

I sort of feel the same.  Many people advocate not reading their messages etc but I actually do read them. I read them and don't fall for them. It's not to keep a connection but more to face my personal demon and know that I can stand up to it and not fall for the tricks I used to.  I never respond and I never will. At some point in time I'll change my number and that will hopefully be that but at the moment I find it thereputic that she cannot break me anymore.

Yeah, like a personal test. In the past i fell for it many times in periods when i was trying to detach but wasnt ready. I would be sucked back into the relationship again and end in the middle of the hurricane.

Now, i know i have detached well. I can be exposed to her crap and not get engulfed on it. It annoys me tough to know she still wants to play mind games with me. Im not one of her toys anymore... .

and the reason could be anything... . pwBPD are incredibly impulsive and at the time she called she may of been having a "gee I miss that guy" moment and by the time she talked to you she may have been in "we broke up for a reason - shouldn't have made that call".

I think we struggle (I know I did) by trying to harmonize or connect all the mood swings as if they should be consistent.  The fact is, we vacillate.  They vacillate far more.

Was this some sinister attempt to mess with your head, thwart your recovery, or keep you hanging on?  Anything's possible, but the nature of the call doesn't really suggest that.

Why the second call?  My guess is that whatever she wanted to say initially didn't get covered in the call and she had more to say. And that impulse also may have come and gone.


You held it together well.

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