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Anger and rage didn't break me, so here comes the emotional blackmail. She wants to "fix things" and feels bad and like she meant nothing to me.

Obviously there's no point replying

Lash me to the mast,  lads. The siren is calling me! !

Your cynicism(or realism as i like to call it) always puts a smile on my face Infern0. I very much respect it as well.

You got this mate a siren cant lead you wayward when her song has fallen upon deaf ears.

Stay NC. And keep yer mast sailing towards winds of fortune and bountiful waters ya skallywag! 

A lot of it is false bravado but whatever gets me through it tbh.

It's just boggling to the mind how she even functions.  It's so sad,  it's like... .well yeah its BPD you know how it is.

Hey as they say fake it till ya make it right?

Yeah it is perplexing how they behave.  In a sense they are the tragic product of the human condition gone awry and overwhelmed by its dark. They need a light and for a time we unknowingly are that but since were not some divine inherent savior that image can never perpetuate... and well, the rest as you know is history.

That old chestnut.  :)

Unfortunately they will try anything they can to keep you. You sound like you're doing so well... .do not let this latest attempt at manipulation drag you down - It's in your best interests, believe me. I did give in to the guilt and emotional blackmale on a couple of occasions and I really was not doing myself any favours at all.

Well thankfully she appears to be still with the replacement which helps.

Thankfully she's not actually selling anything I'd be interested in buying. I just hope she doesn't do anything ridiculous like offering sex or a relationship because then I'd be in trouble.

' If you beg and pray the men to unloose you, then they must bind you faster. '

'Therefore pass these Sirens by, and stop your men's ears with wax that none of them may hear'... .No contact?

Sail on Inferno, God speed.

They're attention-whores. Cut off attention and they start begging. Its not love they want it's validation that they exist. If someone isn't looking at them, or listening to them then they start to fade away and vanish (in their mind). But its narcissistic, they're like the false gods of old that would have you incinerate your children before them as a sign of your adoration of them, except the children in this case is your self-respect, dignity and maturity.

They act like they're nothing, oh please chrissy, "please answer x" But then just as suddenly she moves on and calls some other poor unsuspecting chump. I refuse to answer the phone to her, I'll text her, but I won't answer if she calls. Calling is the SUPREME number one way they get at you. Every partner of someone with BPD knows what I'm saying. Internally your body cries out that you DO NOT ANSWER. It makes your stomach churn. Not only is conversation with a BPD girl the most f**king boring conversation you'll ever have, it's also sheer manipulation and YOU KNOW IT. I knew it before I knew she had BPD.

Stay no contact, and work on your self-esteem and you'll be able to look at the texts begging you to answer and laugh. Its pathetic, they're pathetic. I have no time for her ___. She went out last night and got herself heavily drunk, and I'm like "yeah have a good night" bzz bzz "call u in amin (a minute)x"  I thought yeah no chance. Gets myself off to bed. She never rang.

They're attention whores pure and simple. They may not consciously be aware of this, but that is what they are. Don't fall for any little narratives of "oh im so alone" and all that ___, its nonsense, they have 8000 orbiters - all of em do - that just float around telling her how awesome and hot she is. She wants to fix things because - BECAUSE - you've cut off attention, it makes YOU look more attractive in her eyes, you're hot ___ my friend. Now keep that attention cut off, and work on yourself, come to realise that you don't need no one to make you important, you already are, thats when the real women come along.

Yeah, Two minutes ago she was telling me how much of a ass I was and all the rest of the insults and now wants to know why we can't talk and why I won't respond to her and that she didn't mean anything to me.

I want to tell her she did but noo don't do it infern0.

Man they can get in your head

They sure are addictive and breaking the the no contact will give you a hit of your addiction but surely enough you will come crashing back down. It is so tempting though. You either got to be satan or Jesus to handle them or just never have loved them and got close.  I'm sorry your going through this man it's a suffering only someone who has gone thought can understand.

Dont do it Inferno. Ill echo you there. You've been doing the hard work here for quite a while and helping many, many  others do the same. Being passive is the kiss of death in a baiting.  Take the bait and you're headed down the hole again.  What is it we say over and over to stay strong : NC.  Stay strong and keep posting.

Yeah a bad hit of addiction.

I'll get blamed for everything,  told how great she is and kicked in the teeth again. It's a baited trap because she can't stand that I got away and stopped being abused.  I know BPD behaviour is erratic but I can predict almost word for word what she'd say.

Ffs she is STILL going,  another text and 4 blocked calls.

Leave me alone!

Stay strong Infern0, I agree with Caredverymuch. You have been doing so much work to get through this and have helped others, myself included, stay strong and don't get pulled back into the mess. You are right though, they do know our weakness and triggers and can get back into our heads so easily. That is why NC is our best defence against the madness. Maybe write a list all the insane crazy hurtful things you have been through. I've written things in a diary as I've gone through them and re-reading them helps me with NC.

STAY STRONG

I must admit, the persistence today has surprised me a bit,  I've never seen her quite this desperate and it's gotten really bad quite out of the blue.

It's been an emotional day, there is probably something bad going on in her life right now for her to be this desperate and my natural instincts kick it that I want to help her. But I know I can't and I know it's partly because of my own issues that I want that but surely there is another part that is just having a heart and a bit of compassion?

There's two sides to this NC thing, it's a hard path,  but yeah my resolve is strong,  there would have to be an unprecedented disaster for me to break.

Hang in there Inferno.   If you reengage it will just be more of the self-centered, crazy-pants behavior that she is showing you right now.  What I believed about my relationship was a lie... I had to disspell that notion from my head and clearly look at the actions that were continually being performed in front of me.   Very very hurtful actions for me. That is not love on her part and there was no self-love on my part if I signed up for more of that insanity. Stay strong, buddy.

A brief summary of the last 7 months of my life.  "Lose my number!"  "Why didn't you write today?" "You're a horrible person!" "You've been a very positive person in my life and I'm grateful for that.  Do you think I'm a horrible person?" And so forth. 

This is not normal.  It is only recently I'm realizing that I think it's normal because of FOO issues.  Bur regardless: not normal.  Not healthy.  Toxic.  You recognize this.  Take care of your own emotional health. 

"Silence is eloquent"

We're the minority who actually actively seek to make sense of all this fallout - imagine the proportion who don't? - and so as we do we know that no contact is the way, the truth, the light, the life. It 'speaks'  for itself. What can be said (as well as done) to a BPD which can change the game? Nothing. You owe them that - nothing. Look after number one, don't cave in. I am still supremely glad that I broke no contact (now on stint two, going to hold it forever) because I never got the chance to have a crack at her; it's not as if we both talked about the fallout until our ears bled. So over time things built up and were released. But consequentially, in any case, and in yours where it seems intermittent contact has been had, it's best to go the whole way, cut loose. Words are too much for them, they only relate to a 'logic' which only they dictate, which they are attuned to, which only a Borderline can. A healthy person has no role in that. They're better off out of it.

Stay strong Infern0 and embrace your 'inner black knight'  :)

Indeed embrace the dark knight my friend.  Here is some wisdom of the dark knight.

www.youtu.be/_qmK3lpkgVo

Quote " They're attention-___s. Cut off attention and they start begging."

So sad and so true. It's when you appear to have moved on that they pull out all stops.

It's the hardest test I face to continue NC when there's so much I want to say. But my rational mind knows he won't be listening to anything I'm saying... .Just thinking of his next words to lure me back in.

Stay strong and keep moving forward in the face of every adversity 

"Calling is the SUPREME number one way they get at you. Every partner of someone with BPD knows what I'm saying. Internally your body cries out that you DO NOT ANSWER. It makes your stomach churn." Christoff 522

Yes, yes, yes!

When I was really upset, my T told me to close my eyes and do a little meditation (I am very far from being a mystic!  ... .

She said ... .imagine yourself being calm and direct in a room by yourself... Then walk up to the door and firmly closing it with convition (no slamming)... .and on the inside of that door is painted "I love you".   At times... .that would really work for me.  |iiii

I need a good visual for my soul to follow.

I like that visual infared... .I have a heap of visuals for when I see either my exBPD or ex best friend. It's helpful to play out such scenarios in my mind, although it can also get you stuck. I'd been feeling good the past month and had stopped ruminating over it so much, then Murphy's law on Saturday I bumped smack bang into my former friend and her daughter and I was unprepared and although I was cool I still let her kiss my cheek and listened to her tell me how good it was to see me. I said one sentence and walked on, but I physically wanted to throw up afterward... .it's been 6 months NC with her... I guess time has helped heal me and it's impossible to totally wipe some people from your life.

I'll keep with my new motto "Be prepared" lol.

Go back to my thread and read your OWN words!