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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting => Topic started by: Infern0 on September 14, 2014, 08:35:15 AM



Title: wanting justice. not good feeling.
Post by: Infern0 on September 14, 2014, 08:35:15 AM
Mine told me about the time she was raped as an 11 year old by a family friend.

I am 99%  convinced this is true because she told me in one of her lucid moments where she could also face up to the fact she hurts people and hates herself.  

She also told me her mother knows of this incident and covered it up in order to prevent "trouble"

This makes sense to me. And it would make sense that this is why she's the way she is. She's emotionally stuck in that moment.  She never got help and never dealt with it.

I want to confront her mother and see if it's true, if she knows. And then I want to expose this degenerate and have him pay for his crimes.

Forget "boundaries" how can I suffer this man to be walking free. How can the truth be buried?

I know there's a chance this is a lie. But what if it's true?

What do I do? What's morally right here? Let it go?

This person needs to be in prison.


Title: Re: wanting justice. not good feeling.
Post by: catnap on September 15, 2014, 09:23:42 AM
The National Sex Offender Registry database  www.nsopw.gov/?AspxAutoDetectCookieSupport=1 

I would also see if the county records where this "family friend" has lived/lives has an on-line criminal database.  If this person is a pedophile, he may have been caught at some point. 

Excerpt
I am 99%  convinced this is true because she told me in one of her lucid moments where she could also face up to the fact she hurts people and hates herself. 

Even in a moment of clarity, it is possible that she concocted the story to "excuse" her actions. 

Excerpt
This makes sense to me. And it would make sense that this is why she's the way she is. She's emotionally stuck in that moment.  She never got help and never dealt with it.

Did you ask if she was willing to go to therapy to work through this? Her refusal to deal with it might be an indicator she fabricated the story because working on the issue through therapy would remove her excuse.

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I want to confront her mother and see if it's true, if she knows.

Ask the mother gently and be empathetic, confront sounds accusatory, and she may shut down and not be forthcoming.  Any other family members you could ask as well? 

Excerpt
And then I want to expose this degenerate and have him pay for his crimes.

Is there a statue of limitation?  It can vary from state to state.

National District Attorneys Association National Center for Prosecution of Child Abuse

www.ndaa.org/pdf/Statute%20of%20Limitations%20for%20Prosecution%20of%20Offenses%20Against%20Children%202012.pdf

I truly get your outrage. 




Title: Re: wanting justice. not good feeling.
Post by: ForeverDad on September 15, 2014, 08:22:53 PM
I too truly get your outrage, but I worry that it could blow up in your face, especially since you have no way of knowing positively whether this is true or not.  If you proceed, then proceed cautiously.

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I went into this a strong person in control of my life and she took everything from me... .  I was given promises, false hope, lies... .  All along I was played, the second I couldn't give her what she needed,  THE SECOND, there was someone else. ... or is there,  don't even know if that's a lie... .

Now she wants to spend the rest of her life with him and I'm scum a liar a manipulator "no matter what your all the same"... .  I'm so broken. I can't eat,  I can't sleep.  When I do I have nightmares or worse, dreams of what could have been.  I wake up in tears. I have lost myself. My friends I pushed away, I'm hanging on to my career by a thread. I'm confused and hurt... .

She dug and dug until she hit bedrock then left me for dead with a smile on her face.

I would suggest you first gain a greater measure of recovery before you ponder tackling a task so difficult and risky.