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Title: It's not that we win, it's that the BPD loses it for themselves. Post by: Nope on September 16, 2014, 10:00:46 AM DH finally got the custody decision! The kids, who have been with us since this summer due to an emergency custody order, will be staying! A father was able to get his children moved three states away from their BPD mom without her having done drugs or physically abused them! Serious neglect and emotional abuse as well as provable poor parenting behaviors were enough.
Granted this is only residential custody, but from three states away that is huge! Her parenting time has been taken down to no more than two weeks (winter break) at a time back in her state. And mostly consists of her having to come to our state for no more than one weekend a month if she chooses and can afford to do so. The worst thing the decision said about DH was that it was clear that he had been collecting evidence against BPD mom with an eye toward litigation. I think this was to blame DH for the stress BPD mom was under that made her act out in front of the kids and kept her too preoccupied with the litigation to properly parent. But the order states that she is to get counseling immediately and to give DH proof that she has done so. Over all things went extremely well and we are very pleased with the outcome. We go back to court next month to figure out CS. Title: Re: It's not that we win, it's that the BPD loses it for themselves. Post by: ForeverDad on September 16, 2014, 01:40:08 PM As difficult as the process was, it is a relief to have the decision and know where you stand. There's probably 10-14 days where ex might file an objection but let's hope not. It wouldn't delay anything since the children are already with their father under the temporary order.
So then you wouldn't alternate years for those holidays? I wonder whether silence on 'vacations' means there are none, replaced by one weekend per month? She can have an order to get counseling and provide proof, whether she will do either is something else entirely. But this is good, the decision was sufficiently positive that dad won't appeal. Depending on which issues that arise in the years to come, he may return to court. And possibly even move the case to his state. Does he have to get her approval on major decisions regarding the children? It sounds like he has what we term "decision-making", his ex gets access to records but little more. (http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc255/4ever4/avatars/HappyDance.gif) Title: Re: It's not that we win, it's that the BPD loses it for themselves. Post by: maxen on September 16, 2014, 03:08:41 PM The worst thing the decision said about DH was that it was clear that he had been collecting evidence against BPD mom with an eye toward litigation. what's wrong with that? doesn't a person have to build a case? Title: Re: It's not that we win, it's that the BPD loses it for themselves. Post by: DreamGirl on September 16, 2014, 08:27:59 PM What wonderful news!
Title: Re: It's not that we win, it's that the BPD loses it for themselves. Post by: Nope on September 17, 2014, 04:20:09 AM As difficult as the process was, it is a relief to have the decision and know where you stand. There's probably 10-14 days where ex might file an objection but let's hope not. It wouldn't delay anything since the children are already with their father under the temporary order. So then you wouldn't alternate years for those holidays? I wonder whether silence on 'vacations' means there are none, replaced by one weekend per month? She can have an order to get counseling and provide proof, whether she will do either is something else entirely. But this is good, the decision was sufficiently positive that dad won't appeal. Depending on which issues that arise in the years to come, he may return to court. And possibly even move the case to his state. Does he have to get her approval on major decisions regarding the children? It sounds like he has what we term "decision-making", his ex gets access to records but little more. There are alternate holidays but this year was to be her big year for holidays anyway. There is a provision that any time not spelled out in the order must be agreed to by the parties. Which means this magistrate fully expects DH to be reasonable and act in the kids best interests when it comes to the BPDex's parenting time in the summer and beyond that one weekend a month. Of course, he will be, but only in the kid's best interest. We are absolutely moving the case to our state ASAP! Six months for residency. That means we file in January for a hearing in February, to have her get a continuance at the last minute, to have the change of jurisdiction finally heard in probably April or May of next year. Assuming the GAL won't fight the change of jurisdiction, as the order says she is not to be released in case the kids still need her. The order spells out what they have to make decisions on together. Which is fair, because it is anything they must split the costs of. But for extracurriculars and whatnot it's up to DH to decide. The order also orders both kids into therapy immediately. So the important decisions were already made for the parties. The worst thing the decision said about DH was that it was clear that he had been collecting evidence against BPD mom with an eye toward litigation. what's wrong with that? doesn't a person have to build a case? I'm not entirely sure what her point was in that. But the magistrate cited BPD mom's complaint that everything he has done he has done to prepare and make himself look good for court and the magistrate's order says his "litigious intent" was factored into her decision. To be honest, I think that is just another way of saying that since he wanted this, he's going to have to foot the full bill for the GAL and every other cost that might normally be split between the parties. This particular magistrate has a reputation for protecting the financial interests of mothers over what is fair. |