|
Title: why the BPD breakup hurt so much , introspective review, caretaker role. Post by: borderdude on September 17, 2014, 11:57:18 AM I have tried looking inwards, perturbed my pain.
Why does it hurt when she was supposed to me immature and I always regarded my self as an an mature adult. Early grown up, and usually felt natural relating to people older than me. While her level of immaturity was a really a negative asset for me, this kind of "heartbroke" I did encounter, connects to my role as a caretaker in that relationship. I feel as I have lost a "child figure" in her and not an equal partner. I also felt some connection towards her kids, that is the worst part. So I feeling I lost a family with caretaker role. I can only imagine what those kids have gone trough in their upbringing. I generally feel sorry for her , sorry for her kids, I think I could have done much for them just being a part of the family, and been a meaningful person (father figure) in their life. I do see I already was inclined to take this caretaker role , because I did obtain it towards my little sister , when our sick bipolar mother could not care for us. You may say I was trained for it. Title: Re: why the BPD breakup hurt so much , introspective review, caretaker role. Post by: Skip on September 17, 2014, 12:56:30 PM Why does it hurt when she was supposed to me immature and I always regarded my self as an an mature adult. Early grown up, and usually felt natural relating to people older than me. Does maturity shield us from heartbreak? Title: Re: why the BPD breakup hurt so much , introspective review, caretaker role. Post by: borderdude on September 17, 2014, 01:11:15 PM Why does it hurt when she was supposed to me immature and I always regarded my self as an an mature adult. Early grown up, and usually felt natural relating to people older than me. Does maturity shield us from heartbreak? No absolutely not. I actually believed that she could not steal my heart , due to her immaturity , I was wrong. I still feel the heartbreak is of another nature. She was was a "child" in a mature body, did I felt for her mirroring? Anyway I feel I have let a child leave for the big world, and fell sorry for it. Title: Re: why the BPD breakup hurt so much , introspective review, caretaker role. Post by: rockinne on September 18, 2014, 06:22:44 AM It's difficult when imagining how things would in your mind. The fantasy of a family with you as the caretaker and able to make everyone happy. Something none of them have known to this point. My marriage to a BPD for 20 years was like that, and I never realized that dream. That was my own family with my own children. Later I was in a relationship with a beautiful divorced woman with three boys. The youngest a toddler. I had that fantasy of being the father figure in their lives, and making them all happy, especially their mother. That was an impossible dream. It could never happen. Now I am liberated from both relationships and working on healing myself. No blame for someone else's weakness, no justification for allowing myself to be manipulated, controlled and emotionally abused. My life is looking better. I don't think about the visions of a fantasy, happy family with that beautiful woman and her sons. That would require they be healthy first. Otherwise, there is nothing I would ever be able to do to make them happy
|