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My exH started seeing someone weeks after our final split (following many recycles) and married her six months later.   I didn't find the remarriage as traumatic as might have been expected because the final split was the final straw for me and there was relief that he wouldn't be coming back.  But it got worse later.  The more he seemed happy and settled, the more I questioned whether the issue had been me.  He had come and gone with someone else between his splits when separated from me and it wasn't this gf that he married so I knew I wasn't the only one who had been left utterly confused and devastated but there were obviously 'wounds' and feelings of 'not good enough' that his actions kept exposing.

This week, I found out that his second marriage was in trouble almost from the start and they are now divorcing.  I do feel concern for him and some sadness that he hasn't found the relationship he had wanted but mostly I feel relieved (and I feel guilty for feeling so relieved!).

I had become aware of this - that the happier and more settled he seemed in his new relationship, the worse I felt because I was starting to believe that I had been the problem. Why is my self-esteem so bound up with his actions and his perception of my worth?   I have kept contact to a minimum to give myself space to heal and mostly I am fine, even doing well.  But any contact with him (we have kids) has disproportionately affected me even when he's being nice.

Anyone else still find their emotional wellbeing tied to ex after some time out of relationship?  Seems I still have work to do on myself  :light:

take care,

Claire

My S2BX went through a break up with a BF. And yes, there was a part of me that was relieved/happy to see the same behaviors occurring against him.

There is nothing wrong with that euphoria, to know that it was not simply you. That all the gas lighting, accusations, etc. made against you for all those years was in fact - not the case.

It doesn't mean we're perfect. But it is a relief to know that we're not the monsters we have been made out to be.

Hi AlonelyONe,

Thanks - I did feel relieved and happy and guilty about it all at the same time!  As excruciating as it was to feel that someone else was able to meet his needs and 'make him happy', I knew that was about my ego and my wounds and not reality. What I felt and what I knew were always in conflict and that conflict has settled a bit now!

There's a part of me that feels for him - another relationship that's not been what he hoped for. 

Claire