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As I sit here to type im at loss for words. I can take the ups/downs anymore. I feel like im the crazy one. Talkinf to him is like talking in circles. We get no where. Im trying to set limits and he pushes back even harder. I think it may be time to leave everything and start all over. I just dont think im strong enough to fight this out. I want a real relationship not a BPD relationship.  We been married for 8 yrs and I am giving up.

What communication techniques have you used that aren't working?  Setting limits is often met with resistance initially and to be expected. 

I catch him lieing to me when I ask him a question. Last night hes showing me something on his phone and he gets a text from a female. I wait to see whay he is going to say about it. He says nothing when I asked him he lied and told me it was an alert. I told him what I saw and he continued to lie finally he tells me its a girl from him AA meeting and he didnt want to fight over it bc it was nothing.  He then proceeds to tell me that I overeact ( hes cheated in the past). I excepted that bc I took him back but I just dont know anymore. He thinks bc he explains it thay its ok and I should not be mad. I try not to fight back but as he gets meaner its hard to stay quiet. I am not allowed to have any guy friends but he can talk to whomever bc they go to meetings. I just am tired of it. The constant struggles and wondering is making me exhausted. His friends wife is my hairdresser and last appointment he surprised me and paid for it. Everyone was like hes such a great husband. If they only knew the truth

It's a statement I have said to myself many times "I don't think I'm strong enough"

I think it's really really healthy to have that thought at times.

Bpd relationships are herculean efforts for us nons.  I've said it many times the more caring,  compassionate and loving person you are,  the harder it is. The flip side is that there are success stories out there and if you became one of them... .well

Somehow you need to decide if this is something you really want.  If it is then hey go give it your best.  But you have to be realistic about what you are involved in.

There are way more experienced people on here to give you more solid advice. But I wish you the best in whatever you choose. Just decide what's best for you.