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Title: How to handle an EX that breaks NC? Post by: Algae on September 23, 2014, 12:14:46 PM My ex is notorious with me for breaking NC after splitting. When she splits... she usually just gets up... cheats on me... and walks away laughing like I'm the bad guy and like she did nothing wrong.
Everytime she comes back and breaks NC... I know I must ignore and remain NC, but just the feeling of her crying and feeling like ___ and knowing she messed up while she begs for me back, while I sit there and tell her every ___ed up thing she did... just makes me feel so much better. But I don't really know how to approach it. I don't really think she really understands how bad of a person she is and just cries because shes being a baby and wants someting. How do I handle it to make her realize that I really am upset, and that I'm not the bad person... and that SHE is the bad person that's done wrong? All without painting myself black? Title: Re: How to handle an EX that breaks NC? Post by: Mutt on September 23, 2014, 12:58:26 PM Everytime she comes back and breaks NC... Hi Algae, I'm sorry about the cheating and walking away, this is difficult. I don't sense that you are getting healthy space for you to heal your wounds and gather strength to be able to deal with her behaviors. This takes time. You can't control what your ex does but you can control you. What I mean is I don't put boundaries on my ex. I put them on myself. So if she does X Mutt reacts with Y. What boundaries would you put on the self? What can you do if she is being needy, emotionally dysregulated, emotional immaturity, wonders off with another man and comes back? Why are you worried about how you are going to be split? She's mentally ill, splitting is not something that she or we have control over. Above all, take care of you. Title: Re: How to handle an EX that breaks NC? Post by: Algae on September 23, 2014, 01:02:32 PM Everytime she comes back and breaks NC... Hi Algae, I'm sorry this is difficult. I don't sense that you are getting healthy space for you to heal your wounds and gather strength to be able to deal with her behaviors. This takes time. You can't control what your ex does but you can control you. What I mean is I don't put boundaries on my ex. I put them on myself. So if she does X Mutt reacts with Y. What boundaries would you put on the self? What can you do if she is being needy, emotionally dysregulated, emotionalyl immature, wonders off with another man and comes back? Why are you worried about how you are going to be split? She's mentally ill, splitting is not something that she or we have control over. Take care of you. The problem with me is, after everything she does to hurt me and ride off into the sunset laughing with a replacement. All I can ever think about is revenge. Making her cry and beg and hurt. Making her know she really is the evil one who did wrong and has a problem. As evil as it sounds... being put through this scenario so many times, it's all I can think about. Title: Re: How to handle an EX that breaks NC? Post by: enlighten me on September 23, 2014, 01:17:12 PM You wont be able to get through to her about how much she hurts you and not be painted black. She probably realises she hurts you but chooses to twist it so she doesn't have to face up to it as her doing wrong. By getting her to face the fact that she hurts you and it is her behaviour and no-one elses that causes the hurt you will be painted black. The more you make her look at her actions and face up to them then the blacker you will become.
Title: Re: How to handle an EX that breaks NC? Post by: Mutt on September 23, 2014, 01:24:26 PM enlighten me has a point. She can't feel bad. She needs to feel good. she projects that anger and dissociates and changes reality to cope with her out of place feelings. You're hurt Algae and angry. It's understandable wanting to get back an ex for the deep pain and the lack of sympathy for having hurt you. Feelings are real. Work through your anger.
Title: Re: How to handle an EX that breaks NC? Post by: tim_tom on September 23, 2014, 01:51:32 PM You wont be able to get through to her about how much she hurts you and not be painted black. She probably realises she hurts you but chooses to twist it so she doesn't have to face up to it as her doing wrong. By getting her to face the fact that she hurts you and it is her behaviour and no-one elses that causes the hurt you will be painted black. The more you make her look at her actions and face up to them then the blacker you will become. 100% Title: Re: How to handle an EX that breaks NC? Post by: Algae on September 23, 2014, 02:29:07 PM You wont be able to get through to her about how much she hurts you and not be painted black. She probably realises she hurts you but chooses to twist it so she doesn't have to face up to it as her doing wrong. By getting her to face the fact that she hurts you and it is her behaviour and no-one elses that causes the hurt you will be painted black. The more you make her look at her actions and face up to them then the blacker you will become. 100% Idk... I mean last time she did this exact same thing to me (which she has 7 times now), she cried and cried and begged. So I met her in person and told her off as she cried and I said every little detail on everything I hated and everything that was ___ed up. I told her I hated how she cheated and sent pictures of her butt to random people and that it was very slutty. I even made a 15 minute video for her about how ___ed up in the head she was and how everything she complained about made no sense and was made up to make me look bad. She didnt paint me black though. She just agreed and said sorry. She did say she hated the video about 2 months later though but still... the point is she just let me wail on her about everything I hated. Is there anyway to get them to see what theyre doing? Title: Re: How to handle an EX that breaks NC? Post by: Confused? on September 23, 2014, 05:56:17 PM She knows what she's doing. She can see it. The question is does she care. The answer no. She is selfish and everything she does is for herself. During your entire relationship everything was about her and her feelings and everything was for her. She seriously does not care about your feelings because she lacks empathy. She might cry and say sorry but that's just another manipulation to string you along and make you hope she understands and will change. But it never happens. You are not the one. We all thought the same thing. We were fooled
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