BPDFamily.com

I am new to this site and posted my background yesterday.

After 13 years I am definetly leaving the relationship.   As I said before, I haven't spoken with him in almost a week.  I had a weak point and responded to a few of his emails.  I said things he didn't want to hear, such as I needed to figure out my life and that I just wanted to be friends.  Well, he showed up on and off at my home today.   Had parked my car in the garage for this reason.   I won't answer the door and am starting to feel like a prisoner in my own home.

While he supposedly went back to his therapist today, I am not sure he will stick to it.  I am happy for him that he went back but am afraid that he is only going to make me happy.   I might not want to be in a relationship with him but I also want him to be happy.

Anyway, I knew this would be what happened... .I guess I am posting because it is harder to deal with then I thought it would be.   Does anyone have any advice on getting through the first few days?

First of all, sorry that you have to go through this.

What helped me was keeping busy. I bought some paint and painted all the inside window and door frames. I had no music on, afraid it might make me cry. I listened to and did some guided meditation every morning and I cried a lot. And I mean a lot. Luckily not on the paint. Looking back on that first week (now several weeks ago) I'm amazed at how fast it went. And I'm enjoying the sight of the freshly painted window frames. It was therapeutic.

I also spent a lot of time on this board (still do) and read that I wasn't the only one in this situation.

Keeping a journal writing down all the bad stuff helps too. Anger helped and helps me to stay away from the hurt, although I won't deny that I'm hurting and I cry every now and then.

I posted a lot of good quotes as a screen saver and every time I walk past my PC I see them. Here's one for you.

"Sometimes the right thing and the hardest thing are the same."

Good luck to you, keep your chin up!