BPDFamily.com

I had what I believe to be my BPD fiance in a 6 year relationship.

Manipulation seems to be a key factor here... .but I haven't ever done this to her. I'm very blunt and strait forward.

She always said how I would keep her emotionally stable and told her friends that as well, she also knows that this is a very large part of her life.

A problem though is she is in denial about it, I had brought it up before because she went on for about a month how she knew something was wrong with her, but she couldnt figure out what it was. It ended up in a big argument. She follows almost to a T the symptoms I have read over the many BPD psyche sites.

We lived together for 5 years and I have honestly considered all that time to be a very valuable and great time in my life. Even though she has had bad "episodes" 3 times over that period 1 which ended in cheating and 2 in breakups (currently in the second breakup)

But both breakups are strait to new guys, and the latest one she has already cheated twice on the newest guy. She is also glued to this guy at all times according to friends.

Also the newest guy has been talking to her for almost a year, he was a friend of mine. And I did not know the extent to which they were talking until I confronted her about always talking to him which she ended up blaming on me saying I should have stopped things sooner if I didn't want her to talk to him. He was a potential suiter the last time we broke up be she assures me that nothing happend with him. So now it seems she's pursuing him. Hes also telling everyone that all I do is manipulate her.

I just don't know what to do at this point. The last time I talked to her she went off on how she hated herself, and hated how she was always in fear, and that she thought leaving would make the fear go away, but it didn't (her actual words). And now since some of her friends are getting tired of her always complaining/comparing me to or complaining about the new guy they are actually talking to me. She always brings me up negatively.

They have said, since I moved out she is angry that she doesn't know where I live and at the same time she is telling everyone I broke up with her (they all know its the opposite), and that I manipulate her and not to believe a word I say. o.o

I never want to give up on her and have developed a strong emotional bond with her. (we do truely connect, many people say they can't see us not together). I really love this girl and she really does actually make me happy, as weird as it may be. I feel as if she is trying to blame everything on me. I know I am emotionally strong enough to deal with this but I don't think she is.

Is there any way to get through to her, I love her to death and it really kills me to know that she is tormented all the time by her own emotion and fears, which a lot of the time do get projected on me. It's ok though, I know she doesn't mean it and I always have open arms for her. And have told her many times, I would never leave.


Sorry if this is jumbled, it's hard to collect my thoughts. I can specify more if needed. Thanks though for any feedback, I'm really at a loss here.

Well, welcome to the Staying & Improving board. We're down for the long haul here.

I really don't have much situation-specific advice for you, as I've never been in your shoes of trying to get a BPD mate to come back and stay... .(ahem, yet... .fingers crossed... .).

All I can off is to Read The Lessons: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.0

And the new one specific to mates: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56303.0

Both are deeply valuable, I return to re-read the Lessons all the friggin' time to keep some perspective and not get lost in the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) or to get wrapped up in the hopeless vicious circle of JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain).

Spend some time time here, and the biggest thing that jumps out is that You Are Not Alone. We're pretty much a bunch of people with the same problem: the ones we love have a serious disorder that has the effect of making love very difficult.

Hang in there man!