BPDFamily.com

So I have spoken with my ExBPDgf 8 times in 3 months... .

Obviously it's all my fault  lol

But why can't they not say anything nice... .?

Like thank you for a great time etc etc... .

Just everything is tearing apart what the relationship was... .With negativity?

Any input?

Well its all at the root of the disorder.

If they start to admit to themselves that maybe they did some things wrong... .it's like opening Pandoras box.

My understanding of BPD is superficial,  but I see the disorder forming as a sort of protection against whatever deep rooted trauma happened to set it off.

Everything about the disorder is protecting the BPD from the reality of what happened to them. And they go on to just cause all of this devestation to us because of all these protective things.

Devaluation,  projection, dissociation, splitting.  All of them are protection.  Barriers.  Think about them,  all are triggered by things that might force them to accept some hard truths.

You get odd moments where the walls come down.  Mine admitted to me a couple of times that she's a bad person, she hates herself, she's selfish, she hurts people. These admissions only came at times of extreme emotional distress.

For them to admit to YOU that they have done you harm? It's too much. They just can't face it.

Saying something nice and being genuine, it's just too painful for them.

I just wish there was a magic pill they could take... .

Do love my exBPDgf but I'm happy and complete as I am

Thank you inferno

As do I,  there is more to my ex than her disorder,  but sadly she's in a war with her own mind and it's not one she can win, at least not at this point. It's tragic and I do have compassion. I love her dearly,  but I hate BPD.  And sadly there's more BPD than there is "her"

I do not know, and I don't get it. I understand it's something to do with shame/guilt, but the alternate reality that my ex now lives in regards to our relationship is making me crazy.

And if I call her out on this alternate reality, she goes silent. This is someone who on the day of BU told me she hated where we lived and hated the people here, (and still says it)... But during the whole relationship she was talking about how much she liked it here and was looking for houses to buy in the area. This is one of many examples. I understand she split me black, and now hates everything to do with me, but being brow beat by her with this fiction is too much to handle.

Funny, I knew nothing of BPD 6 weeks ago when she left. But I remember pleading with her to stop fixating on the negative and try and think of the positives. Little did I know what I was dealing with :)