BPDFamily.com

Divorce papers filed, now we're on the 90-day countdown. The only thing is, I owe her money and she insisted that we include that in the initial divorce petition. I told her I'd pay her after she signed it.

So we signed. I have the money. I already got a cashier's check. But somehow I am delaying sending it to her. I'm also not going to make this easy for her since I did every single thing for her during our relationship. I waited on her, bought her things, did all the errands, cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping, everything.

I am NOT going to hand-deliver this check to her even though we live very close to each other.

I'm going to send it certified mail and she'll end up having to pick it up from the post office because she has no way for the mail carrier to ring up to her condo. I know she'll be pissed. I don't care.

Yet some part of me feels bad. WHY?

I also want to hold off until she is forced to email me asking for the money. I don't think I owe it, but I feel like fighting it could possibly cost me even more money than I owe her. Plus I agreed to put it in the divorce petition. I also feel a very strong urge to write a nasty note to her and include it in with the check.

Hi ilovestrawberries,

You have a history and you cared for her. Divorce is looming and it has to be tough. You're hurt and divorcing a pwBPD is an incredibly difficult thing to do. I understand you are angry and you have a right to be.

I know my ex. She walked away from the marriage and left all financial responsibilities on me. Emotional immaturity. The debt is not stratospheric debt. I know that fighting this out will cost me more in the long run. I filed for a consumer proposal (bankruptcy protection) and decided to start over. I wasn't really angry, but disappointed. I learned my lesson.

Work through your anger in T or on the boards. My suggestion is to not fight fire with fire. Walk away. Let go or be dragged. I'm sorry that it came to this. Look forward to a new future.