BPDFamily.com

It's been three days since our five day in a row sex rampage.  He reminded me this morning we are going on day four.  He asked if the 5 days in a row was a "fluke".  I said "I gues so".  Of the five days in a row, the first two were for me the other three were because he wanted it and I could have cared less.  His "feeling me up" doesn't do anything for me except remind me that he uses sex as his alternative drug of choice when the alcohol isn't available.  When I refuse him it makes him feel like I have rejected him. I am only rejecting the act but the act IS him in his mind.  I know this is a trigger for argueing and splitting but I don't know what to do about it except give in EVERY time he wants is for fear of causing all of this circular behavior.  I makes me mad when he brings it up, which makes me have a ticked off morning trying to get everyone out of the house and the boys are ones who get the worst of me.  As much as I want to have a "normal" marriage, I am afraid that the end is just over the next hill and I keep having the nightmare in my daily life... .I am so tired of the emotional ups and downs.  I can't believe I have become my mother... .I can't continue down the road that she is still plodding.  I am rarely a happy person and I hate what I have become.  I am a sanguine person naturally, not a mixed up mess.  I want my kids to live happy lives not crazy ones. Please pray for me.  MAKE THE DEVIL GO AWAY!

is separation a choice or an acceptable possibility? is your partner in therapy or medication or has he ever been?

what about therapy for yourself,it sounds like you could try that as a start.

we are both in therapy but attending separate sessions with the same therapist.

He is on meds and takes them well and daily.

Separation is where we are heading I think.  I am setting money aside from my business to prepare.

I don't think there is a good ending to this.  I hate for that... .ending.  I just don't think he will ever get it.

I don't think he can be healed.  I am not sure I even care anymore if he can be healed.

Well just don't abandon him... let him know somehow your leaving 

it's so hard when they are high functioning.

I asked if he is going to therapy for him or for me.  He told me that if I wasn't married to him that there would be no reason to go to therapy... .yeh, I'M THE PROBLEM... .RIGHT.! NOT!

I have my own issues but I don't have BPD.

He and I are civil war reenactors and we met in the "hobby".  We love history and we have this really great backstory, kind of like a historical fiction novel... .but... .the forward story is not as romantic as the backstory.  When we divorce, cause I know it's coming, we have so many friends in the "hobby" that it will be hard to have no contact (NC) when the divorce is done.  Our kids are engrossed in it and we have friends all over the country. 

I wish someone would just tell us: You two need to get away from each other.  Maybe we would actually do as we were told.

I keep asking for God to send me an answer but his answer is always, "what about your vows?"... .maybe that's just my head, but I hear it between my two ears.  My answer is "I don't care anymore."

Why can't tax season come sooner... .I want to go.