BPDFamily.com

Did she know?

My UxBPDgf has a Master’s degree in psychology.  She knows she has issues and I know that she has spoken with one of her colleagues about her traits and whether or not she has BPD.

During our relationship BPD was a topic of conversation.  My ex-wife has a PD with Borderline and Histrionic traits and we discussed that at length.  She also told me her niece has been diagnosed with BPD and that her mother has BPD traits.  I remember her telling me she believed there was a genetic component to it, making people more pre-disposed to developing it at a young age.  In conversations with a cousin of mine (they were good friends before our relationship), she told my cousin there was something holding her back with me and that she felt there was “something wrong with her”

I struggle with the question of whether she knows or not that she has BPD or if she is in denial.  My mind keeps going back to:

1)  If she knows, did she think she could beat it and stayed with me for 2 years?  After the break-up she told me several times that she “tried really, really hard” to keep going in the relationship because “when it was good it was really, really good”. 

2) If she knows, but refuses to seek treatment for it, is it because it is to terrifying a realization for her and, despite her professional training and knowledge, would just rather ignore it and keep living miserably?

3) If she does not know, is that really just denial?  As a psychologist, she knows a lot about the disorder, and being as intelligent as she is, does she refuse to recognize it even when she has looked into it as something she may have?


It really doesn’t matter at this point.  I know.  I admit, however, to wanting to know if she knows because I want to believe that she knew but actually did try to struggle through it for 2 years because she actually did want a relationship with me.

Do they know?  Does anyone know if professionals in the mental health field who have BPD ultimately know they have it and recognize it within themselves?

It's all speculation,  however in my case I have a strong feeling she did know that she had it but just couldn't face it.

She recognized her own pattern of behaviour "I always do this" she told me on multiple occasions that she hates herself,  is a terrible person, hurts people etc.

I didn't have a clue what she was on about

Of course this never lasted long before she went back to playing the victim.

I think it's too painful for them to face it for too long

mine knows something is wrong with her, but dealing with it on a conscious level couldn't be broached without significant rage and denial

On a two times she did have a meltdown that she allowed me to see and spoke openly about, she said things about not liking herself, feeling like she's a bad person, and she hurts people.

So ya, she knew. Just a complete unwillingness to confront it

I've been have feelings of sadness for her.

Very early on in our texting relationship, maybe before we met; he asked me, ":)o you know what NLP is? " I answered back: Neuro Linguistic Programing. At the time, I just thought it was kind of a trivia question from him--as he knew I had experience in the "field," and I added that among other things NLP was considered an alternative treatment for pwBPD. Months later he told me his "psychotic" ex wife forced him to see her psychiatrist who quickly diagnosed him with bipolar and prescribed Seroquel, which he never really took. This should have been a HUGE RED FLAG.    Very early on, I had not only told him a differential diagnosis to bipolar (which I knew he did not have) was BPD. He answered crying,  :'("I know I'm F'd up." He stayed in his abandoned child stage for months before I really saw the other schemas. He couldn't live without me--crying and lamenting those words often to a suicidal threat level. I was shocked when the angry child appeared (seemingly out of nowhere). He is brilliant and reads about everything. When I told him in March, (after the police were called because of his antics) that I would not continue the r/s until he was in treatment, he said, "Anything--I'll do anything not to lose you." I told him that could include medication and rigorous therapy. Later, was it gas lighting?   He said he had never been suicidal; had never threatened such--that it was I who was making him crazy. With the angry child and detached protector, he looked at me as if I were making up his significantly documented disorder, where he spent much of his prison sentence in psych and was detained early for suicide prevention. But I was the one making him crazy. WOW. folie

One other quick note--perhaps more often than not, people enter the field of mental health to figure out their own disorders.

Many pwBPD have successful professional lives. Intimacy is what triggers the disorder and the acting out is behind closed doors and directed at people in her immediate circle.

This is a part of her personality. Her reality is as real to her as yours is to you. Some people are more self aware than others and the same can be said with someone with a mental illness. Perhaps she may clue in that there's something off inside someday.

That is her journey.

Mine studied psychology. She quit after a few months. Probably couldn't handle the reality of her own disorder.

She always told me, people who study psychology are nut cases themselves and trying to understand their behavior  lol

Same here 100%

It's such a strange feeling to read MY story in other people's words.

My BPDbf is very much into psychology, and that's actually one of the subjects that drew up together. He knew lots of stuff I had no idea about: what a NPD is (he accused his ex of being one, and at first I almost believed him), the difference between psychosis and nevrosis, what schizophrenia is etc.

I don't think he knew about BPD though.

When he gets angry about all this he says I've treated him of being a "Psychopath, schizophrenic, mad etc" but he never mentions borderline.

I used to find it funny but not anymore.

They know something is wrong with them that's why they are always complaining

Complaining?

About what? Us?

My BPD knows there's something wrong, but he denies it when he's in an angry mode. When I'm painted black (like now), he's cold, harsh, cruel and looks self-confident. And of course, there's nothing wrong about him.