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Title: Do they ruminate and spin their thinking to a different reality Post by: Hawk Ridge on September 25, 2014, 05:07:35 PM My ex pwBPD is a recovering alcoholic. She often spoke of how she just couldn't stop thinking? I wonder if it is the ruminating that we do in trying to make sense of the nonsense or is it creating or misperceiving into a new reality? For instance, after they leave us without explanation, spinning us into black, what type of thinking processes do they go to put us white again? I am pretty sure my pwBPD was dissociating or emotionallt cheating before she left me. Her eyes were vacant and her voice dismissive and cold. I don't believe I will ever know the truth on that one. Anyway, re: thinking patterns - Insights?
Title: Re: Do they ruminate and spin their thinking to a different reality Post by: Mutt on September 28, 2014, 08:36:40 PM Her eyes were vacant and her voice dismissive and cold. I don't believe I will ever know the truth on that one. Did you see this mode after a borderline rage? Title: Re: Do they ruminate and spin their thinking to a different reality Post by: Hawk Ridge on September 28, 2014, 09:00:40 PM She was a quiet borderline so her rage was silent treatments and quiet, demeaning remarks but yes, it was during these times that the blunted affect and vacant eyes were there. I wondered what her thoughts were during these times
Title: Re: Do they ruminate and spin their thinking to a different reality Post by: Mutt on September 28, 2014, 09:53:43 PM Excerpt Maladaptive schemas, according to Young, are defined as and relate mainly to the lack of basic emotional needs met in childhood and a lack of appropriate relationships, bonds, and behaviors of the parents, caretakers, and others involved in the life of a growing child. Maladaptive schemas are considered a pattern of established (from childhood) unstable reactions/behaviors to any given situation in life. Maladaptive schemas may be made up of revisited (sometimes obsessively) memories of past hurt, tragedy, fear, abuse, neglect, unmet safety needs, abandonment, or lack of normal human affection in general. Thus, as an adult, Schema "modes" may become nearly reflexes as the patient is seeking approval due to unmet childhood needs. Young on personality disorders and maladaptive schemas. Excerpt Detached Protector - This schema mode is based in escape. Individuals in "detached protector" withdraw, dissociate, alienate, or hide in some way. This may be triggered by numerous stress factors or feelings of being overwhelmed. The lack of coping skills when a person is in a life situation involving high-demand or a chain of thoughts/emotions revolving obsessively often can trigger "detached protector." Stated simply, patients become numb in order to protect themselves from the harm or stress of what they fear is to come, or fear of the unknown in general. Mistrust is often a culprit in "triggering" such fears. A borderline rage is an emotional cleansing. You are seeing the "detached protector" I'd see my wife with lifeless eyes, pale, in a zombie-like state. I couldn't talk to her , it was like she was in a trance. This was after she'd rage for over an hour. She would usually sit down on the coach after the rage and dissociate for 20 - 30 minutes. Maybe longer, I never timed it. It felt like a long time because I couldn't talk or communicate with her. It was the detached protector. This was during her dissociative phase. Scorched earth. She was having a physical affair with my replacement and she was struggling with this emotionally inside. This went on for months. Daily rages until she finally moved out with her replacement after I had triggered her fear of abandonment. I had told her 4 words never to tell a borderline - I want a divorce. Her rages were up to an hour and sometimes followed by that trance like state. The detached protector mode. I couldn't understand that state (schema mode and there are several maladaptive ones) at the time. It wasn't a thought per se, it's a maladaptive schema mode. I hope that helps. |