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Title: What should I say to her, after she breaks NC? Post by: Algae on September 26, 2014, 04:55:25 AM Hey all!
I recently got out of a 4 year on and off again relationship with someone who splitted with me 6-7 times. They got up one day and all of a sudden hated me out of no where to date someone she only knew for 9 days The night prior, she was beyond obsessed with me though. They've done this before several times and end up copying other people to impress them or make friends. Lately ive been noticing signs that she might break No Contact and message me. The same signs that triggered her coming back every other time she did this. She hasn't been talking to the guy she replacement me with as much, shes posting depressing pictures on instagram. Shes watching my youtube videos. Shes not staying up late to talk to people. And she stalks my instagram. Basically... She's GOING to message me again. It's going to be a text message and it's going to be sent at around 1 am. It's also going to say, "Chris (me). Are you there? " "I'm sorry. I know you probably hate me and dont want to hear from me. Please i just need to talk to you really quick." How do I respond? What do I do? I'd LOVE for her to feel like and beg for me back, and see that I was an amzing person... and i dont know if just ignoring her will make her feel like that. I don't know what to say to her or what to do. I DO want her to get help but deep down (to be honest with you)... yeah i do want her back too. But after seeing all the BPD facts... i feel like nothing she says about loving me is geniune anymore and will never be real. It's robotic. What do I say when she messages me? It also shows her if I even read the message. Should I even look at it so shes knows I looked at it? Title: Re: What should I say to her, after she breaks NC? Post by: rickdeckard on September 26, 2014, 02:35:40 PM I'm sorry you're going through this Algae. It really does hurt.
From what you have posted here you know exactly what is going to happen if you respond. The pattern has been repeated so many times that you even know what she is going to say and when/how she will say it. Knowing this is her pattern, the end result will most likely be the same as it was every previous time. These are the same words I have seen many times. "im sorry, I know you hate me, I know you dont want to hear from me" etc. It worked every time for a while, i couldn't stand that she thought i hated her. Because i don't bsobi would tell her, and it would start back up. Of course, that was why she said those things. The purpose of no contact is to allow yourself time to heal. Not to get a reaction from her. IMHO, based on what you have said about previous experience, dont reply. This is not to punish her or make her see the error of her choices. Its to give yourself more time and space to get out of the fog. I was NC for almost 6 months. That was broken 2 days ago. my head is in a different place now, and i can think about whether or not I am going to reply and if i do what i will say rather than just reacting to my emotions. The choice is, of course, yours to make. My recommendation is to keep NC until you can react without being concerned about how it will affect your feelings for you as a potential RS. Take care, Rick Title: Re: What should I say to her, after she breaks NC? Post by: Algae on September 27, 2014, 12:07:34 AM I'm sorry you're going through this Algae. It really does hurt. From what you have posted here you know exactly what is going to happen if you respond. The pattern has been repeated so many times that you even know what she is going to say and when/how she will say it. Knowing this is her pattern, the end result will most likely be the same as it was every previous time. These are the same words I have seen many times. "im sorry, I know you hate me, I know you dont want to hear from me" etc. It worked every time for a while, i couldn't stand that she thought i hated her. Because i don't bsobi would tell her, and it would start back up. Of course, that was why she said those things. The purpose of no contact is to allow yourself time to heal. Not to get a reaction from her. IMHO, based on what you have said about previous experience, dont reply. This is not to punish her or make her see the error of her choices. Its to give yourself more time and space to get out of the fog. I was NC for almost 6 months. That was broken 2 days ago. my head is in a different place now, and i can think about whether or not I am going to reply and if i do what i will say rather than just reacting to my emotions. The choice is, of course, yours to make. My recommendation is to keep NC until you can react without being concerned about how it will affect your feelings for you as a potential RS. Take care, Rick Not gonna lie. I want her to cry for all she's done. And i want to shove everything shes done thats totally laughable right back at her in a bullying way. |