BPDFamily.com

When I first posted my profile on here, I was all about leaving my relationship.  My reason for leaving was simple, after 13 years nothing seemed to change with us, what I wanted most was for my boyfriend with BPD to get and stay with therapy/medication.  I have always believed that with love anything is possible. 

After the breakup, I was trying little contact which within a few days turned to no contact because he had accused me of sleeping with someone else.  I don't believe in cheating and would never do that especially to someone that I care about.

Two days ago I found out through a mutual friend that he tried to kill himself.  I was heartbroken as this is the last thing I thought would happen.  I knew he was upset about us but didn't expect that.  Thankfully he is still here which leads me to this.

As of this coming week, he will be in outpatient therapy for the next 10 days as well as checking in on the weekends.  They also have a family/friends therapy session which I have agreed to go to.  During these 10 days they will make sure he is assigned a psychiatrist as well as being put on medication or they will not release him from the program.

He is the love of my life and I want nothing more then for him to be happy.  Am I crazy to want to give this one more shot?  When I spoke with him today, I said I would be willing to try to work things out with us as long as he sticks with therapy and medication.  We are also going to try therapy just for us... .try to learn how to communicate with each other better and see where it goes.

Has anyone gone through this type of situation?  Do you have any advice?

I want to start by saying I'm sorry about your bf. That must of been scary news. I don't think that there is a right or wrong here.

Borderline Personality Disorder is a serious mental illness. Love is not above the disorder and it will not cure the disorder.

Couples counselling works when both are working on changing themselves. Is he diagnosed? Perhaps he's going to get diagnosed during the 10 days?

You can try therapy together. Learn the communication tools if you haven't for a pwBPD and i would do therapy alone separately.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you for wanting to give it another shot. Understand that a borderline that's not willing to work on their issues is not going to get better. Love won't fix him.

It was really scary news as I have never been in that type of situation before.

Yes he is diagnosed, years ago as well as with his recent hospital stay.  He is borderline as well as bipolar with some schizophrenic tendencies.  I believe that's how the doctors put it.

I have found someone to talk to for me and we plan to do counseling together as well after his 10 day program is over.  I am hoping that starting this week, I will have a better understanding of how to communicate with him. 

I spent a few hours with him last night.  It's weird to say but it's almost like his suicide attempt has somehow cleared the tension between us.  Obviously he has a long road ahead of him but for the first time since I've known him, he seems eager to change things for himself.

I know that love alone won't fix him.  Somehow it seems right to me to give it another shot and see where it goes. 

Hmmm... .Mutt has given you some good advice.

You need to think long and hard about this - it's a lot to deal with. Do you know anyone else who has dealt with this? What does your family think?

It cleared the tension because you are not longer upset with him. You are worried about him and are concerned for him. He is now the center of attention.

And, be aware that there are times when it is so easy to get swept away in that eagerness. I have been with my husband for 16 years and he is a sex addict and has made multiple suicide threats. You would think that I would have figured it out sooner but the pattern is that something really big will happen, he will hit a bottom of sorts, it will shake him up, and then he will get eager to change and will start off really strong. Then, as time goes on, he will get lazy or it will require too much work or effort on his part and it all goes out the window. I used to get so excited and hopeful when he would show such eagerness to change and work on things. Now, he will tell me he is going to do something and will act all eager and I am completely non-plused by it. I am not trying to scare you but help you see the reality. Don't be too disappointed if he struggles with making changes.