BPDFamily.com

Sorry for posting so much... .I've been off work the last two days and have more time than usual... .time for thinking and time for being on the internet. : )

I'm not sure why, but something clicked about two days ago and I was suddenly no longer fuming mad at her. Even getting that apology email from her yesterday didn't cause a resurgence.

I think what I'm feeling now is... .how to describe it... .like I feel bad for her. She's a sad lost soul. She's mentally ill and is not being treated for it, though she does have a therapist. She's never going to change or get better. It's just sad to me because one of the reasons I stuck by her (before knowing about the BPD) is that I thought she had so much potential. She's so intelligent and could do so many things if she just got the right kind of help. But she isn't and there's nothing I can do about it.

I don't want anything to do with her, but I don't need to direct anymore anger at her, even if it was just in my head.

That's a good place to be in ilovestrawberries. I think I am getting there too. I am becoming indifferent to her and to this forum too. Before I would read other people's experiences and get all passionate about it and would want to post my stuff too and share. I still do it but actually it doesn't feel the same - something has changed. It feels as if it is out of habit and a lot of the intense energy that I came here with initially has been consumed. I remember that you sounded pretty well grounded in that apology email yesterday and I can see how you are well on your recovery. Keep it up.

Thanks! Yeah, it's weird, isn't it? Just a few days ago I didn't think the anger would ever go away. Apparently it just happens. Maybe it's because we can't keep up that energy for very long... .it can't be good for us.

I am here too... exactly ., I am just hoping it sticks ... I've had setbacks... 2 good days in a row , focusing on acceptance ... .

Accepting that she is I'll

Accepting that she is gone

Accepting that trying to have a healthy relationship with an unhealthy individual is folly

acceptance is liberating cause there is none of the "if only", "woulda coulda shoulda" stuff that either keeps you in the past, or her in your future (scheming to get her back)

I hope I get to this place where I lose the anger. Thanks for posting its definitely inspiring :). This anger is definitely poison that I am drinking on a daily basis. I'm happy you arent feeling it anymore good stuff :)

For me, it was a poison I was getting rid of. It took quite awhile to get to that stage, but when I did, my T congratulated me on facing much more of the truth of what I had gone through. Admitting the pain instead of covering it up. It's been a big relief, personally. But that one breakthrough wasn't all of it, at least not for me. It wasn't like I'd walked through a door and was done with it. Those feelings still come and go, in waves of varying intensities, much less these days but it happens. Detachment. Many of us brushed aside the bad stuff during the r/s and this is a way to face it now. Making sure to find ways to release and work through it without hurting others, or ourselves.

Thanks... .yes, I didn't think it was possible to get past it till it happened. You'll get there too! I think it just happens when it happens... .

True. Many of our stories are similar, and most have similar underlying themes. We are all individuals, however, as are our SOs. Some of us have more  my-issues , others less.

For what it's worth, AG, it's been just over a year since I landed here, and 7 months since she moved out. I'm still angry, though less so. I try to channel it productively. I was squeezing blood from a stone only to realize it was my own blood I was wasting.