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Good Evening Family,

I live in the bronx and my ex BPD is a former Semi Pro Salsa dancer. The bronx is  predominantly Hispanic ethnic backround as far as demographics go. Every single time something Latin as far as music comes on it severely triggers me either in the form of severe anxiety or just discomfort in some form. Has anyone else experienced something similar to this? Also has anyone been able to tone this feeling down or nullify it completely? FYI under normal circumstances meaning prior to my ex I loved that genre of music. I literally can't avoid a car passing by or passing by an apt building that is playing some type of Salsa,Bachata or raggaeton especially on Friday and Saturday for obvious reasons. So far I have tried putting my headphones on and listening to something else but I cannot do that all of the time and once it happens meaning once the sound of the music sneaks in my eardrum even for a split second my mind goes all over the place and it's chaos time in my head all over again.

To add to my question I am looking for a solution that doesn't include medication. As I have been trying to avoid taking meds for anxiety issues. I've been able to knock the anxiety down in other areas that trigger it but this one is really a tough one. I kind of want to move out of the bronx because of this but don't want to feel defeated or ran out of my own space.

AG I'm sorry to hear that you get triggered by music. That has to cause a lot of anxiety and stress. A relationship with a borderline can be very traumatic. I went into to the doctor for what I suspect is PTSD. I have to go back for assessment with a P.

I'm not a professional. Sounds can be a PTSD trigger, do you think it may be PTSD? Do you think it may warrant a visit to your MD?

That is a tough one my friend. Maybe exposure therapy, put it on yourself. Sit and listen to it, and don't stop till the anxiety goes away. It will

Dear AG

One thing to look into is mindfulness.

Try this: next time you hear the music that triggers you, breath deeply, hold the breath in your abdomen.  Do this 5 to 10 times and when you do this feel the breath.

This will take you out of your head into your body.

Once there and out if your head, feel the feeling.

Feel it until it starts to dissipate & keep doing it until you can smile  :)

It will be hard the first time but the more you practice this gem it will get you through the trigger.

 

Peace, love & happiness my friend

Small steps!

Thanks

I can relate to this... .

I am triggered when I see anything about London. We lived together there and I left abruptly when things blew up. Even an insert on the news channel, the weather on my phone app, someone talking about the place in a conversations or a notification about an event sets me off... .it's more of a sadness than panic but is nonetheless very uncomfortable. I lament what happened and the shattered dreams... .the illusion that I bought into... .

In meditation, have visualised myself walking through the city, even walking past the apartment we lived in and then turning and walking away into a wide skied horizon... .a symbol of letting go and embracing the future with courage and hope.

Also, she would listen to obscenely commercial radio  :) (never my thing, I follow underground music) and when I hear a track it reminds me of her... .how childlike and innocent she was at times. This is less of a trigger because I am rarely in a situation where I am exposed to this music, thank God!

I feel you here.

Have faith, reach out and be brave. This too shall pass  :)

I can relate to this. Music is a big trigger for me and I have had to be very careful of what I listen to. Songs would remind me of so much of the past and I couldn't handle it. I stopped listening to music and started listening to the talk back radio and all the channels my parents listen to - actually find them interesting now!

What helped - mindfulness and focusing on the moment when music would intrude. Sounds weird but I'd do things like pinch my finger with my nails so I'd focus on that pain rather than the music and tell myself to be in the moment - feel the pain, feel the seat I am sitting on, how my feet felt on the floor - that sort of stuff. It'd help keep me in the present.

Holding an ice cube in your hand is a good one. The pain is strong but as the ice melts, it goes but all your brain can focus on the is ice in your hand. Bit hard driving but :).

Don't need to do that as much any more, I'm still very careful about what I listen to - only listen to music I have purchased after I left. Hang in there - the triggers get less slowly as time passes.

Music is a big trigger for me also. The fact that some of my favourite bands where hers has made it difficult to listen to them.

What I have done is to select songs that put a spin on the relationship. For instance the red hot chilli peppers is a band that we both like and the fact that she went to see them just after we split up put me off for a bit. I decided to choose songs like otherside  and scar tissue to ween myself back onto them.

I have done this with other bands choosing songs that remind me how messed up she is and avoiding sentimental ones until the link with her and the band has nearly disappeared.

That is a tough one my friend. Maybe exposure therapy, put it on yourself. Sit and listen to it, and don't stop till the anxiety goes away. It will

This I havent explored not running from it and just force feeding it and dealing with the feeling .

Thanks

Hello AG:

I used "mindfulness" and "meditation" to deal with triggers like music.   And, I looked into something called "coherence therapy" that is often used with PTSD.

I like the idea of "leaning in to the spear" so to say, as regards triggers.  I know that the triggers are mine to own, and accept, and work through, and the techniques above help.

LG14

I would suggest getting some Mindfulness reading material.  Years ago I found myself having frequent and debilitating panic attacks which lasted 7 years. Once I learned the practice of mindfulness, I was able to decrease the attacks and finally stop them. 

My son, had a similar problem at a similar age, actually had to leave his job as an eye doctor because he was so stressed, learned meditation and mindfulness and now has a thriving practice. 

Mindfulness is successful for treating a wide spectrum of stress and pain issues.  I just got a book called Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder because I wanted to understand Dialectical Behavior Therapy as a possibility for my BPD husband.  Last night it occurred to me I need to use the principles again as I deal now with the stress related to my husband's overspending.