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Have you managed to indentify most of their triggers from a retrospective view?

I think that this is not possible and we should not try to do it, because when you start to understand a damaged brain then you have become like them. What do you think?

Understanding is learning. Learning is growing. I don't think it's a bad thing to figure them out. I know that I was a trigger for her. Every single relationship she was in or ever will be in that person is a trigger. Abandonment fears, fear of loneliness, feeling of not being loved is all triggered in the relationship unless u devote your entire life to the BPD which is impossible. So with that being said it's easy to let go so to say knowing this.

Intimacy and honesty seem to be the most triggering.

Focusing on our own triggers helps release us from them.

Understanding a shark does not make us become one.

Anything remotely related to love. She couldn't watch romantic movies, wouldn't talk about feelings etc.

When i gave her compliments, told her how amazing she was etc. she would be triggered.

It's strange, my ex was always telling me she loved me and that she felt incredible around me and all the things we would want to hear (maybe even more)

Mine had a hard time going out to places where there were many people.

She had extreme anxiety and agoraphobia. Any time I wanted to invite her to see my family she got anxious and would make excuses not to go. Whenever I wanted to go somewhere she told me not to worry about leaving her there, but I realize now that she felt abandoned. She was extreme quite BPD. Mine always loved getting compliments and would feel like her ego was being massaged. Maybe she is more of a NPD than BPD, everything always seemed to be about her.

She always told me that she trusted me completely that she knows I would never cheat on her or betray her. This is exactly how I felt too. This is where the confusion sets in, a lot of her behavior is not consistent.

Most times though the trigger was when I wanted to talk to her about where things were headed or why she was acting a certain way. She would always retreat and never tell me anything I asked about.

She had absolutely no ability to give or even receive constructive criticism.

I meant to say she is an extreme Quiet BPD.

And now that I think of it most times I don't know what triggered her, because she was an inward BPD. Only now I realize that these things caused her to distance herself from me. At the time I didn't think much of it as we lived separately, but sometimes it would take her "too long" to get ready to leave her house. So we ended up not seeing each other that day.