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Title: Dealing with stalking. Post by: Red Sky on September 28, 2014, 02:33:30 PM Hello people. I appear to have regained my account and I have no idea how or why but I am very grateful.
Had a few months where I had no contact whatsoever with my BPDexgf. My anxiety stopped, I went back to uni and have been pretty much okay. Until Friday night. I saw her in the student union. We ignored each other and I thought what a relief, it isn't going to be awkward. Around 1am, I left to drive home. The moment I left the union, where my friends were, she followed me and I guess that she had been watching me. She said she wanted to talk about why I NC'd her months ago. I told her to leave me alone and she pinned me to the wall of the nearest building. She basically kept telling me that she wanted to understand what had happened (her emotional instability was too much for me to deal with, as I wrote to her immediately before blocking her on every kind of media known to man). She refused to let go of me (I was physically held down) until I agreed to go for a coffee with her, and at several points she tried to kiss me (she was very drunk; it makes her aggressive and even more irrational than usual). She also listed all the acts of self-destruction she had committed because I NC'd her. So, after about an hour I managed to get away, but it's left me a bit shaken and ridden with anxiety. She is strong and has a lot of martial arts training; I'm very petite and I can't break free of her grip. I can't avoid uni and I don't want to avoid going out at night either, but I can't let this keep happening. This time, I cried, I told her I was scared, because I really doubt she would physically hurt me and I thought it would guilt her into letting me go without it escalating into a fight (but who knows? She's a terrible drunk). It didn't work, obviously. I'm racking my brain for coping strategies because I don't think this is over. 1. Don't go out at night. I don't want to do this, but would you all suggest it's the only way to deal with this? 2. Make a friend escort me to my car, or go home with a friend. The question is whether she will still follow me. 3. I bought a rape alarm in the hope that it might scare her off. 4. I could report it if this continues, but I don't want to get the police involved. I'm not out to my family and it may destroy my relationship with them if they find out. 5. I am considering telling a senior member of university staff I trust, just so that there is a 'responsible adult' who knows what's going on. Has anyone experienced things like this before? Title: Re: Dealing with stalking. Post by: Waifed on September 28, 2014, 05:23:50 PM I would report the incident. She will know that you are serious about not wanting any more contact with her. She may report the incident and make you look like the aggressor. Many people on this site have examples of their pwBPD traits contacting the police in moments of anger, loss of control or panic over being abandoned.
Title: Re: Dealing with stalking. Post by: crookedeuphoria on September 28, 2014, 05:35:37 PM That sounds horrible and scary.
I understand that you don't want to report it to the police because of your family but you have to report it to someone. I think telling a senior member that you trust is a good idea, as is having a friend walk you to your car. Best of luck. Title: Re: Dealing with stalking. Post by: Red Sky on September 29, 2014, 01:53:58 PM Thank you :)
I went and talked to a senior member of uni staff today. He was very supportive, said I had done the right thing in coming to talk to him. He's looking into whether there is some kind of on-campus incident report that could be filed to protect me in case something happened again or in case she decided to report me. He agreed with you about making sure someone is with me when I am going home at night, other than that it's just a case of sit tight and hope she doesn't do anything further. I kind of doubt she will be able to resist when she is drunk, though. Title: Re: Dealing with stalking. Post by: .cup.car on September 29, 2014, 05:13:58 PM Get the police involved and document as many facebook/text messages as you can. Bring all of it to them.
The last thing you want is her turning the tables and accusing YOU of stalking HER. It's happened to a few members on her and encouraged me to take action against my own pwBPD. There's a bit of bias towards women in the legal system, and if a switch does flip inside her and she starts projecting onto you and accusing you of stalking her, if she goes to the cops at all, you'll be fighting an uphill battle just to prove your innocence. At the very least, if you go to the police, they'll give her a warning not to continue and it'll hopefully bring that to an end. |