BPDFamily.com

So... .Long story short my uBPDw took things to extremes a little over a month ago which wasn't the first.  The actual decission to divorce was the result of the same fight we have had for years.  She asks me a question, I anwser, she turns into something about me never being there or how her problems are so much worse, blah blah blah.  I got a L, did all the paperowrk and uBPDw is to be issued petition this week, just waiting on the call from L.

For the past 5 yrears been working with T over everything and never been able to understand any of the little fights that turned into big fights.  Only recently did I realize I was in a FOG.  I have had my moments of remaining FOG creep back up on me and despite my best efforts at no contact, still see uBPDw when dropping off D1 only to hear the heartfelt pleas over and over again accompanied with periodic emotional bursts when I dont cave and dont discuss.  Extinction burst?

So... .here I am today.  I hear from a mutual friend that she isn't doing good.  Lost weight, can't sleep and begging mutual friend to help her get me back.  To me the decission still stands having been on this board, talking wtih T, and continual and extensive reasearch into the traits of BPD.  Not saying she has it but know that if I go back or stop the process I have begun nothing will change.

But why do I feel so helpless and heartbroken not because she is my stbx but because she is still a human.  I fall in the category of non-confrontational and empthetic type in my daily life.  My brain for sure tells me I am making the right decission but my heart seems to be insessently aching for someone I know is not good for me.  If she isn't good for me and I can never be good for her, then we ultimately provide a broken foundation for innocent D1.  Life isn't fair but I have to put D1 first and me, myself, and I on the path to recovery.

Is this a normal feeling during this process or in your honest opinion am I making an irrational decission?

I feel I am making a very rational decission but having difficulty ignoring the heart ache for someone as a person despite that person breaking the bonds as a spouse.