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Title: Bad night. Feeling sad and hopeless. Post by: Cat21 on September 30, 2014, 10:52:37 PM Tonight was truly terrible. My uBPDh has been dysregulsting and giving me the silent treatment for several days. Tonight, he flew into a rage like I've not seen before. I feel very sad and hopeless right now. My boundaries were tested again and again, and although I stuck to them, it was not without a huge fight. He is upset with me for being unsupportive; or at least that's the way he feels. It is of course far from the truth, but aren't most things in this world.
Title: Re: Bad night. Feeling sad and hopeless. Post by: Haye on October 01, 2014, 05:04:35 AM Cat21, i'm sorry to read you are going through a rough spot there. Living with a borderline personality disordered spouse is quite a challange and well, i trust me, i know very well the sadness and hopelessness you are going through.
The boundaries, are they somewhat new? I can't help thinking an out of control child in some supernanny episode, testing parents' limits when they have changed familyrules and especially how they react to the kids' demands. I believe that standing to your boundaries, maintaining them calmly but firmly is actually more supportive to your husband than you kneeling to his will one way or the other. It is of course difficult (impossible?) for him to see that and it's probably not possible to make him see things from any other perspective, specially if he is badly dysregulated. But, taking care of you and your well-being is essential. Title: Re: Bad night. Feeling sad and hopeless. Post by: Cat21 on October 01, 2014, 06:10:45 AM Cat21, i'm sorry to read you are going through a rough spot there. Living with a borderline personality disordered spouse is quite a challange and well, i trust me, i know very well the sadness and hopelessness you are going through. The boundaries, are they somewhat new? I can't help thinking an out of control child in some supernanny episode, testing parents' limits when they have changed familyrules and especially how they react to the kids' demands. I believe that standing to your boundaries, maintaining them calmly but firmly is actually more supportive to your husband than you kneeling to his will one way or the other. It is of course difficult (impossible?) for him to see that and it's probably not possible to make him see things from any other perspective, specially if he is badly dysregulated. But, taking care of you and your well-being is essential. Thank you, Haye. The supernanny analogy is exactly what I thought of! And spot on. His rage was a tantrum worse than any 2 year old I've seen. The boundaries are not brand new, but I've been more consistent with my behavior over the last 4 months or so. I used to rage right back and JADE... .now I'm desperately trying not to do that anymore. I don't always succeed, but last night I wouldn't respond to him as long as he was yelling and throwing his tantrum. It was clear that he was grasping to control me and I just wasn't giving in. I hardly slept and I have a long day today. I'm going to throw myself into my work and try to take care of me. |