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So I've been NC for the past 2 months or a little more, but I've had this in my mind for a while... .

When she was the one ending the relationship for good, she was strong as hell, not even a tear as she used to be when I ended the relationship because I was afraid of the   's. The thing is that I was never able to end the RS, I always received her back. 

Anyway, when she ended the relationship she said: ''I don't want to hurt you because I know that the relationship with you would be a serious relationship and I need to find myself, I need space'' WTH? (After all the S&#&* she said about getting married having a baybe etc... .she even had a name for the future baby 

At this time I knew for sure she had the next guy in line... .   I was wrecked... .feeling horrible... .God they are masters at playing with emotions ad feelings

I'm sorry man it is confusing.

One thing I realized is throughout my relationships hen she felt "bad" I filled in those blanks with being her rock which gave me a sense of pride. 

It was inevitable.

Holy crap.

Yeah I got almost the exact same line.  She told me she needed to work on herself because she wanted us to be together and she wanted to be healthy enough because she knew I wanted a LTR and she did too. Next minute she's with replacement.

I engulfed her and that set that off.

Did you get panicked and go into full on " I love you so much" mode?

Is yours a waif?

Sorry man, been there; here's some standard borderline:


  is code for she's feeling engulfed and needs to push you away, in fact it's not code really, pretty straightforward and to the point.  And then if she gets too far away she'll feel abandoned and come running back; it's very confusing and hurtful to us, unpredictable and it doesn't take our feelings into account at all, and it can seem malicious, although all she's doing is being run by, reacting to, her emotions.

The core of the disorder is a fear of abandonment, which caused her to come back when you broke up with her, but also motivated her to find another attachment because she trusted that you'd stay less.  Once she had another attachment, someone to use to manage her emotions since she can't do it on her own, BPD is all about need, then she could leave you, someone who had become a source of triggering instead of the solution, the soother, to triggering, in the standard progression of the disorder. 

What's next for you?

Blimblam, INfern0 and fromheetoheal are right. She's feeling engulfed, fears abandonment and she has unstable interpersonal relationships.

It's difficult when she talks of marriage, having children and acts impulsively, those dreams suddenly vanish. I'm so sorry bunnysc. That's tough  

I did, full pu$$y whipped mode. So sad it was... .

I also got the standard. "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" and "I have to fix myself, I can't be in a relationship". However, those reasons don't address why she's screwing the guy down the street.

Thank you so much for posting this  :)  I received the infamous "I just need some space to work on myself" text on Sunday and was like WTH. 

I was thinking with my heart and not my head at the time.  If she was waifish she would of conjured up stories and distortions to garner sympathy from the other man and needing rescuing.

I'm sorry to hear about your ex fred6, I understand it's still raw.

Guys thanks so much for your help it helps a lot |iiii Its so sad and hard to move one . But we have to be strong, this site helps SO MUCH!

Holy crap.


Inferno, yeah she is 150% Waif, you can read my post or my story its just... .I don't have words for it. I did panicked and cried like a little boy it was devastating after all I did for her, all the plans etc... .Actually I recycled with her like 3 times (She was already with the replacement) so she was like a totally different person JUST WOW. It gives me a sense of being sick just writing about this   No words.

Thanks again guys, my only way to move one is reading and reading! BPD Family is where I see the light, thanks for this site and all the members

I felt good staying NC after she sent the texts, but at the same time I feel like (Whats going on) now I have to block everything from her after she was my girl my best friend my everything... .But thats life and I have to move one for my health... .

It is still raw, but I've got my own place. So I should be in a better position now. I think one of the worst parts was dealing with a "landlord girlfriend" who did whatever she wanted and when she got caught, I was pretty much evicted. Looking back it's almost like we weren't in a committed relationship, even though she called it one. It was more like roommates with sporadic and limited sexual benefits when it suited her.

I understand. I heard so many accusations and it was her actions projected on me. She detached in the last 2 years of our relationship. Questioned my sexuality and said I had zero interest in her emotionally or physically. She was engulfed and had started an affair and left me for him.

She had feelings of shame and guilt and projected her feelings on me. You are out of her emotional war zone and in a calmer place. Take this time to heal. What you are going through is hell. It will get better in time.

That's a tough one, and I can understand that you might feel whipped because we're doing the work to try and save things while our stbxes are already detached or with someone else. I was trying 110% for weeks even though I knew what was going on while she denied it. At the end, I also got the "I'll always have a love for you." I read, "Turkish is really attentive and trying, but I just can't love him." that was something I found on our computer that she wrote to my replacement 

Cant'? Won't? Who knows, and who can fight that?

Processing the r/s with her was useless, even though she wanted to, probably in part to learn what she did wrong so she could do better next time. I refused to be used like that. It was time to be angry, and that's healthy for a time, because not allowing it is us invalidating ourselves. My T was happy when I finally started to show anger, because for a while I was just hurt and also too analytical about things. It's taken a while, but even the anger is starting to fade.

So true^! I have no words, what really amaze me is how disordered they are as human beings, heres a few things I had to deal with

She always wanted to be with me or had a plan (who knows with who)

She told me she was once pregnant and had to abort (I don't believe this now , think she was playing ''The victim''

She had close friends (boys)  always texting or calling her

She said I was a ''Controller''

She never raged

She could never be alone always had a plan in mind, if she wasn't with me

She always left me to be with her friends (She didn't liked me to call her when she was hanging out )

She smoked so F much

She had eating disorders, was getting fat real quick

She lied constantly, to me to her parents to her own friends

She was a mess with tasks

She kinda like flirted with random guys (She could't respect herself so I guess boys see her like an easy girl)

She always told me I didn't trust her (OFF COURSE how was I able to trust her!)

And a lot more... .

And I ask myself WHY didn't I left earlier damn! The worse part is that I really cared about her and liked her... .ALL the time, moments feelings, emotions, plans... .I was always trying to make her happy instead of RUNNING away! But I never had the power to drop her, such a mess... .I guess I am off to bed now