BPDFamily.com

There was never any diagnosis , and I try to figure out was it Bipolar or BPD ?, or something else

From my childhood ... .(my father I did not see before the age of 15yo, yes first time in my life, she did not allow it)


Short lived often VIOLENT relationships, yes there where guns involved at one case.

She engaged in real FIGHTS at home , encouraged me to beat her boyfriend with something once (he was only defending himself).

She could go from raging monster to a peaceful girl in a second.

She could have long lasting depressive periods

She often projected her hate towards my father onto me, (she hated my father). She could say "you are just like your fater... ."

She never kissed, cuddled with her partners as I could see, only sex.

Once I had worked hard for her as a child , she said ""you make me look bad", instead of encourage. (A neighbor commented how hard I was working)

When we had forgotten cleaning, she often got rages, and went crazy when she arrived home, lots of beating/abuse and screaming.

She had migrena , (a kind head ace disease)

She was drug addicted , pills, etc ... .had many doctors witch gave her anything

Master manipulator , not even her closest friends where aware of the conditions her children suffered at home.

Where married once , few months, the guy was a psychopath, ended violently (yes guns where used) , she tried to jump kill herself.

After a minor incident , she figured out I should move out as 15yo kid , but within 10 min, she carried all my boxes and stuff outside in the garden , I had to leave within hours.

Several suicide attempts, started early with pills in her youth.

We where moving ALWAYS , moving, moving , new places.

She used lots of energy to tell how terrible her parents where, and her terrible  boyfriends, never took responsibility towards her actions , or said ""I was wrong".

I was always glad when somebody payed us a visit , then she had to act normal for a moment.

***will be prolonged ****

Hi rolfie.  Wow, it sounds like you had a pretty brutal childhood.  The abuse you listed here is quite intense.  I am sorry for that though I am happy that you are putting in the hard work to heal yourself.   |iiii

I am not sure if she was Bipolar or BPD or if even the addictions were the cause.  It  could be a combination of things as well and maybe even ASPD.  I wish I could answer.  I know it helps me to have a label... .sort of makes things easier to categorize.  She certainly sounds like she had a lot of BPD behaviors. 

Keep posting here.  We might be able to help you sort out the label for her, and we can definitely help you work through any issues you may choose to post.   :)

To understand now, I must go back , I really detected I had caregiving/codependent issues when I met this BPD CO. I will try to find out what a impacts BPD or Bipolar mother usually enables in her children.

So does she got BPD or /and Bipolar ? Can I rule out something ?

I've heard that BPD can switch mental depressive states rapidly, while bipolar have longer duration's.

 

I don't know if the focus, at this point, should be on trying to detect what (if any) of her conditions were. I'm sorry to hear about the conditions your childhood had... .but I think a better focus can be on how you are handling it today.

Yes, it sounds very much like she was emotionally dysregulated... .a lot!  It  could be BPD, Bi-Polar or a host of other disorders.  But at the end of the day, what you went through scared you and has an emotional hold on you almost to the point you may not be able to fully see it.

I am in a much better spot today, with the help of members here... .and my own therapy... .I can see that my childhood scars had a huge impact on my life in ways I didn't even understand.

Yes, I think doing some research on what the effects of living with such a person would do to a child would be helpful.  I had to do the exact same thing because your story is practically my story (when it comes to my mother).  Luckily she is still with us, and I was able to find out that she had been diagnosed over 30 years ago (she kinda forgot to mention that at the family get togethers).

But it all fell into place for me this year and I am in a much better place once my focus shifted from her (or any other person in my life my focus was on) to me.  Heal yourself.  You will thank you for it later.   |iiii

Thankyou , for the story about your background.

Here are some of my issues , witch I think is directly related to my childhood:

* Always felt "isolated" from the "group" or rest of "them" (whatever "them" means , not sure).

* Scared of relationships (long lasting ones) , but want to get engaged. Anyway relationships are for the   "normal people" , it will almost for sure break down in my case or in the near future anyway.

* Scared of being controlled, engulfed

* Attracted to "crazy" women :), normal girls are not exciting(witch fulfills the prophecy).

* My work has to be  "perfect" , or nothing (leads to delaying my plans)

* Is in a escape/run state , restlessness, hard physical exercise/gym corrects all this for a while  :)

* Feel good when giving myself , do not feel good about validating my feelings, or craving from others,

  I never ask for help , have to do it myself without bothering the others.

It is a complex-PTSD , light.


I was a "butler" towards my craving mother , "what does she wants now"? , Is she angry?. Women wants "men" in their relationships, not a caregiver/co-dependent underdog.

She rarely validated my efforts , but demanded and craved like a queen.

While I agree that rolfie needs to concentrate on his own healing a part of that process is to understand why his mum was like she was. Just like it has been a part of the healing process for all of us on here to understand that our exs had BPD.

Have you looked at the DSM rolfie? How many does she tick? More importantly was it a one off or a regular occurrence?

You will never get a true answer but you knew her better than any of us and if she ticks the boxes then for your own peace of mind you should accept that as the answer so you can move onto yourself.

she ticks off several under BPD ,bipolar, NPD. She might have all, combined with drug abuse makes it complex. I just ask "what product does a BPD? mother create, regarding offspring"?

What am I ? , why do I re-create old patterns ? Why do I feel secure/home when with a crazy woman?(replaying my mother).


anyway thanks! 

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Hi Rolfie

Im no psychologist so wouldn't know where to start. It all depends on you as to how your mother affected you. I realise that for myself having an overbearing mother (no PD just strict) has left me with co-dependency issues. I think your best bet is to talk it through with a therapist.

I theorize regarding the "US" using this board , that a majority have some level of codependent and caregiving traits, and is naturally attracted to the a BPD r/s , so they can play their role, felling needed, admired, etc. Both parts is entangled in a dance destined to end shortly.


I have learned a lot of relationships, who I am , about boundary setting, while this lasted.

Anyway the best option is to go to the pro's, feeling my time here is done.