BPDFamily.com

I don't know. But right now, you guys are the ONLY people I can relate to. Like, everyone else just doesn't have a clue about anything. People talk about crap and I am so disinterested because it doesn't matter. Or I see people walking out of stores with a bunch of crap they don't need and it doesn't matter. Blah blah blah-biddy-blah blah blah. Please tell me I'm not alone in this.

I myself am a dNPD.

I might be able to help you shed some light on your situation.

What are some of your symptoms more specifically?

Everybody is striking me as really shallow. Just... .not really caring about things that matter? Petty arguments. Pride. Materialism. It just seems to me that everyone is trying to fill this void inside of themselves with things that don't matter. But then I think, maybe they are just things that don't matter to ME. Which would make ME the shallow one. If that makes any sense.

I get this too. I see shallowness everywhere. I think that when someone goes through something so harsh as we have been through, you start to see life from a different perspective. You come to know what you really need to be happy, you revaluate... .I think it comes from our need to survive. But we can take it as a lesson, also.

Probably not NPD if you think you are :)

There are tests online.  A member here might have a link to offer.  I once asked my psychiatrist if he thought I had a PD, and he said "no, you wouldn't be asking if you did." Hope that helps.

I'm almost 100 percent sure that you do not fit the DSM critieria for NPD which, in fact, describes the grandiose subtype of the NPD. Vulnerable narcissism is quite close to BPD, lately I have a strong suspection that I'm a vulnerable one. There are some scientific paper on this subject among my latest posts if you're interested.

Actually, the covert/altruistic/vulnerable NPD and the BPD is the perfect disordered match.

I have to agree with previous posters about how shallow people seem. For me I think this is because of a couple of reasons.

Firstly the red flags are jumping out at me at the moment so anything that is slightly selfish triggers me. That's what you get for being in a relationship that revolved around one persons every need.

Secondly I don't feel as materialistic as I did. I don't think to myself I want to get a new car or stereo. I think I want to go diving or watch a sunset on the beach. I want to have experiences not objects.

Yes exactly. I am going to go search out some of these tests though. Just in case.

According to the two tests I just took, I am not personality disordered. But I am a bit paranoid. Imagine that.

Personality tests are interesting and helpful too.  Check out the Myers Briggs test, and the Keirsey (sp?) Temperament test.    *)

First off: I don't think you have NPD if you are OK with evolving and seeing patterns around you that you wish to change. Of course, I am no expert. :)

I understand the feeling of re-evaluating whats around you. I think we're all still really raw from what we are recovering from. It's a big rebuild of ourselves and our identity. A lot was taken, but I know, that I was naive to think I could withstand the storm and not be broken, bruised and almost dead.  I only have reached out to close friends and family about everything I am going through. I used to have a very big social circle before the exBPD. I tried to go back to being social, but found myself thinking the same things you are thinking. Seeing right through a lot of BS. I don't think it's bad. I think it's made us stronger in the long run. It's a rebuild, nothing bad. It doesn't make you have a personality disorder. :)  In the end we'll be that much better within ourselves. :)

My Dad is a classic narcissist - so I think I know a little about this.  Narcissism is an imperfection so a true narcissist would never ask the question - am I a narcissist?  Do I have an imperfection?  No you are not a narcissist.  In their mind they are perfect.  Really they are - ever so perfect.

Well this is really good to know because I am a freaking mess. See? There's always a silver lining... .I might be a mess but at least I'm not a narcissist 

My understanding about persons with NPD is that they don't think anything is "wrong" with them.  They are "perfect."  (Everyone else is the problem) 

A year ago when I went to a Psychiatrist for this mess I had diagnosed myself as a narcissist. He said if I thought I was then I was very likely not one. Of course he confirmed I wasn't over time and he laughs at me now when I come in with a new diagnoses of myself (recently avoidant PD).

I have discovered a lot about myself over the past year. Classic codependent with engulfment issues due to my mom using me as a sounding board (adult) when I was a child. I apparently have deep resentment for her and play it out with other women I become romantically involved with. I also had pretty severe passive aggressiveness problems which are pretty easy to overcome with awareness and refocusing before reacting. It was pretty hard to give up that control too!

My point is we are damaged and vulnerable coming out of these relationships. We look at what we did wrong or what we could have done differently. We have been reprogrammed to accept the blame for most failures during the relationship. Looking for faults in ourselves is a result of this. Being raw is so painful and gut wrenching, but it is also a gift that we wouldn't have received if it weren't for this crazy situation. We have the opportunity to openly evaluate ourselves from birth until the present moment. This is something that you wouldn't even consider had it not been for this relationship. Embrace it and dig deep within. See a therapist and peel back the layers of your life. It is hard but I can say with 100% certainty that this past year has been the most fulfilling thing I have ever experienced. I am a new person. I like the person that I have become. I have my ex girlfriend to thank for this. I still miss her dearly on occasion but that will pass. The education I have received about myself has changed the course of my life forever.