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Title: Best day since start of NC 19 days ago. Post by: Whiteytheox72 on October 02, 2014, 06:45:02 PM Today was a good day. Last night I had coffee with my adopted sister and told her everything. With tears in her eyes she brushed the bleached blonde hair from her face with her tattooed hand hugged me tight and told me "oh big guy its not your fault". She told me the first thing everyone notices about me once they get past the hulking size and tattoos is my heart and how engaging I am. Her words brought the first honest non forced smile in months. I poured my heart out and all the details going back to 2006 to her and like a little soldier she kept telling me its not my fault. She told me the huge influence I have been in her life and how many people I have touched around me and I felt a little alive inside. It is not my fault. I am human. I am a man who fell for the sirens song. A hero enthralled with the waif. A human being that is not perfect capable of mistakes and with those mistakes remorse and a desire to learn form and better himself from them. I woke up today and listened to some of my favorite hardcore punk music and went for a long drive with the top down on my car. I visited my parents and they cried because I had strength in my voice again and I held my head up. I have lost 30 pounds in the last month and Im looking better. The greiving is over and what is filling its place is disgust and revulsion for the woman I opened my heart and home to. I started feeling human again today and it was a good day.
Title: Re: Best day since start of NC 19 days ago. Post by: amigo on October 02, 2014, 11:01:50 PM Rock on! Good for you. There will be many more good days and non-forced smiles to come ! |iiii
Title: Re: Best day since start of NC 19 days ago. Post by: jayboy336 on October 03, 2014, 05:52:05 AM That is awesome. Each day will get better and better and your wounds will heal. I am working on day 3 and it seems to be getting harder and harder at first but I know it will subside. It helps so much to have a solid support system to convince you of the realization that you are human and none of this was/is your fault and that you are finally free.
I too fell for the waifs cry for help. Before I saw the red flags that something was seriously wrong, I was already in love and spent more than a year with her suffering back and forth. This is the best thing for you my friend. Those 19 days will turn into 30 soon. Then 90. Etc. Stay strong! :) Title: Re: Best day since start of NC 19 days ago. Post by: Lion Fire on October 03, 2014, 06:19:48 AM onwards brother!
keep it steady and stay strong and resolute Title: Re: Best day since start of NC 19 days ago. Post by: Deeno02 on October 03, 2014, 06:28:10 AM Day 8. Thought I was gonna cave on her birthday, but I didnt... .Whew... .
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