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Title: Is a pwBPD's partner, their only reason to live? Post by: bungenstein on October 05, 2014, 09:30:58 AM It seemed to me that I was the only reason to live for my ex, everything was about me, nothing else mattered, no matter what destruction it caused. She was not interested in anything unless it was to do with me, she had no hobbies apart from cooking, and I swear that was just another tactic like sex, to keep you happy.
She just did not care about anything in life outside of me. Are we their only reason to be alive? Title: Re: Is a pwBPD's partner, their only reason to live? Post by: Recooperating on October 05, 2014, 09:51:48 AM Thats what I used to wonder about to. But we're broken up and he's still alive (mean no ill with that).
The main issue with pwBPD is fear of abandonment, so they will do anything not to be abandonned. That doesnt mean its necessarily YOU. Its a constant need for validation and if it doesnt come from you, they seek it elsewhere. I've heared the phrases "I need you. I can't live without you. My life is meaningless without you." so many times. He threathned to take his life numerous times with the least bit of doubt I would leave... .while he was cheating and actually living with another woman! So its not ME he needed, he needed my validation, admiration, attention to soothe his fear. It had nothing to do with me as a person... .It was his obsession with getting what he needed to be free from this fear. Title: Re: Is a pwBPD's partner, their only reason to live? Post by: NorthLight on October 05, 2014, 11:45:27 AM Thats what I used to wonder about to. But we're broken up and he's still alive (mean no ill with that). The main issue with pwBPD is fear of abandonment, so they will do anything not to be abandonned. That doesnt mean its necessarily YOU. Its a constant need for validation and if it doesnt come from you, they seek it elsewhere. I've heared the phrases "I need you. I can't live without you. My life is meaningless without you." so many times. He threathned to take his life numerous times with the least bit of doubt I would leave... .while he was cheating and actually living with another woman! So its not ME he needed, he needed my validation, admiration, attention to soothe his fear. It had nothing to do with me as a person... .It was his obsession with getting what he needed to be free from this fear. Very true, i have the same thoughts. If was never ME personally (because she had several exes, and new replacement right after dumping me), it was just the fear of being abandoned and maybe the safety of having a "shining knight" by her side, to give her what she needed at that moment, and when her needs changed, she changed partner - Like i wasn't even a person, just a book she could deliver back to the store and pick up another. Title: Re: Is a pwBPD's partner, their only reason to live? Post by: Popcorn71 on October 06, 2014, 01:39:51 PM Thats what I used to wonder about to. But we're broken up and he's still alive (mean no ill with that). The main issue with pwBPD is fear of abandonment, so they will do anything not to be abandonned. That doesnt mean its necessarily YOU. Its a constant need for validation and if it doesnt come from you, they seek it elsewhere. I've heared the phrases "I need you. I can't live without you. My life is meaningless without you." so many times. He threathned to take his life numerous times with the least bit of doubt I would leave... .while he was cheating and actually living with another woman! So its not ME he needed, he needed my validation, admiration, attention to soothe his fear. It had nothing to do with me as a person... .It was his obsession with getting what he needed to be free from this fear. Very true, i have the same thoughts. If was never ME personally (because she had several exes, and new replacement right after dumping me), it was just the fear of being abandoned and maybe the safety of having a "shining knight" by her side, to give her what she needed at that moment, and when her needs changed, she changed partner - Like i wasn't even a person, just a book she could deliver back to the store and pick up another. Yes, I totally agree. At first he wanted to be with me all the time and was interested in everything I was interested in. He had no other interests at all. Then when I became 'hooked' he gradually started to find other interests and I was expected to go along with what he wanted. This happened more and more until eventually I wasn't meeting his new needs, so he just replaced me with somebody who would ... .for the time being ... .until he changes what he wants again. |