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I noticed a lot of people turn to music in their dark times, I've actually heard the saying 'Music is the art form all other art forms aspire to be'.

What songs would you say you identified most with during your time with your pwBPD? Or describe your pwBPD or BPD in general?

I always think of this song now I know more about BPD -

Ace of Base - All That She Wants

www.youtu.be/d73tiBBzvFM

In retrospect, this song. I'd heard it years ago. When I heard it again after the r/s imploded, I started laughing. They had predicted my future :D.

The Offspring - Self Esteem

I wrote her off for the tenth time today

And practice all the things I would say

But she came over

I lost my nerve

I took her back and made her dessert

Now I know I'm being used

That's okay man cause I like the abuse

I know she's playing with me

That's okay cause I got no self esteem

We make plans to go out at night

I wait till 2 then I turn out the light

All this rejection's got me so low

If she keeps it up I just might tell her so

When she's saying that she wants only me

Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends

When she's saying that I'm like a disease

Then I wonder how much more I can spend

Well I guess I should stick up for myself

But I really think it's better this way

The more you suffer

The more it shows you really care

Right? Yeah yeah yeah

Now I'll relate this little bit

That happens more than I'd like to admit

Late at night she knocks on my door

Drunk again and looking to score

Now I know I should say no

But that's kind of hard when she's ready to go

I may be dumb

But I'm not a dweeb

I'm just a sucker with no self esteem

Hall and Oates - Maneater

Build me up buttercup applied a couple of times and actually played in my head during one recycle.

STONE COLD RAINBOW YOUTUBE CHECK IT OUT THIS SONG IS SO TRUE OF WHAT WE GO THREW WITH BPD

Numb by Linkin park.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface

I don't know what you're expecting of me

Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow

[Chorus]

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there

Become so tired, so much more aware

By becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me?

Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control

'Cause everything that you thought I would be

Has fallen apart right in front of you

Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow

And every second I waste is more than I can take!

[Chorus]

And I know I may end up failing too

But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you

[Chorus]

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Read more at www.lyrics.com/numb-lyrics-linkin-park.html#7zpYjzbwFm9rSk1x.99

All of me. By John legend

Agnostic Front- Dead to me



I just can't believe you

Turned and stabbed my back

I'm still in disbelief

I fell into that trap

I put my trust in you

You played me like a fool

This time you went to far

I turn my back on you

You're everything I hate

Dead to me

You dug yourself into a grave

Dead to me

It's my turn to walk away

Dead to me

There's nothing left to say

Cause you're - Dead to me

Don't say you had my back

That's just another lie

I called you on your bluff

Now our time is up

When push comes to shove it

I always showed you love

I turn my back on you

No heart, no loyalty - for me

No trust, no empathy - for me

Where have you been'

Where have you been!

Talking to your friends, again

Behind my back

Die with your sins!

Die with your sins! my friend

You're dead to me!

Lady Gaga - Bad Romance.  Just about summed it up for me.

Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh!

Caught in a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh!

Caught in a bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

Rama-ramama-ah

GaGa-ooh-la-la!

Want your bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

Rama-ramama-ah

GaGa-ooh-la-la!

Want your bad romance

I want your ugly

I want your disease

I want your everything

As long as it's free

I want your love

Love, love, love I want your love

I want your drama

The touch of your hand

I want your leather-studded kiss in the sand

I want your love

Love, love, love I want your love

(Love, love, love I want your love)

You know that I want you

And you know that I need you

I want it bad, your bad romance

I want your love and

I want your revenge

You and me could write a bad romance

(Oh-oh-oh--oh-ooh!)

I want your love and

All your lover's revenge

You and me could write a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh!

Caught in a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh!

Caught in a bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

Rama-ramama-ah

GaGa-ooh-la-la!

Want your bad romance

I want your horror

I want your design

'Cause you're a criminal

As long as your mine

I want your love

(Love, love, love I want your love)

I want your psycho

Your vertigo stick

Want you in my rear window

Baby your sick

I want your love

Love, love, love

I want your love

(Love, love, love I want your love)

You know that I want you

('Cause I'm a freak b___ baby!)

And you know that I need you

I want a bad, bad romance

I want your love and

I want your revenge

You and me could write a bad romance

(Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh!)

I want your love and

All your lover's revenge

You and me could write a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh!

Caught in a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh!

Caught in a bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

Rama-ramama-ah

GaGa-ooh-la-la!

Want your bad romance

Walk, walk fashion baby

Work it

Move that b___ c-razy

Walk, walk fashion baby

Work it

Move that b___ c-razy

Walk, walk fashion baby

Work it

Move that b___ c-razy

Walk, walk passion baby

Work it

I'm a freak b___, baby

I want your love

And I want your revenge

I want your love

I don't wanna be friends

J'veux ton amour

Et je veux ton revanche

J'veux ton amour

I don't wanna be friends

Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh!

I don't wanna be friends

(Caught in a bad romance)

I don't wanna be friends

Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh!

Want your bad romance

(Caught in a bad romance)

Want your bad romance!

I want your love and

I want your revenge

You and me could write a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh!

I want your love and

All your lovers' revenge

You and me could write a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh!

Want your bad romance

(Caught in a bad romance)

Want your bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh!

Want your bad romance

(Caught in a bad romance)

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

Rama-ramama-ah

GaGa-ooh-la-la!

Want your bad romance

Flesh wound, flesh wound

With medication it will fade

Should I assume

That someone hears me when I pray?

Love, full of hate

Don't you love how I break?

[Chorus]

Don't let them throw me away

Keep me and I'll be okay

Skipping a beat but it plays

Don't let them throw me away

Don't let them throw me away

Screwed up, used up

Crumpled, lying on the floor

___ed up, shut up

All you did back then was score

I'm feeling weak

Missing parts, incomplete

[Chorus]

Hold me up into the light

Fix the cracks and fix them right

Keep the pieces in the drawer

Keep them there forever more

May come in use for some day

Recycle this ___ in some way

And all that I have to say

Don't let them throw me away

The closest thing to crazy – Katie Melua

I cried for you – Katie Melua

I’ll stand by you – The Pretenders

A good song for when you have processed a BPD nightmare and thinking about dating again is "Bulleproof" by La Roux

Gotye - Hearts a mess

Pick apart

The pieces of your heart

And let me peer inside

Let me in

Where only your thoughts have been

Let me occupy your mind

As you do mine

Your heart's a mess

You won't admit to it

It makes no sense

But I'm desperate to connect

You can't live like this

You have lost

(Too much love)

To fear, doubt and distrust

(It's not enough)

You just threw away the key

To your heart

You don't get burned

('Cause nothing gets through)

It makes it easier

(Easier on you)

But that much more difficult for me

To make you see…

Love ain't fair

So there you are

My love

Your heart's a mess

You won't admit to it

It makes no sense

But I'm desperate to connect

And you, you can't live like this

Your heart's a mess

You won't admit to it

It makes no sense

But I'm desperate to connect

And you can't live like this

Love ain't safe

You won't get hurt if you stay chaste

So you can wait

But I don't wanna waste my love

Nine inch nails   

"Closer"

You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you

You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you

Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I’ve got no soul to sell

Help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself

I want to ___ you like an animal

I want to feel you from the inside

I want to ___ you like an animal

My whole existence is flawed

You get me closer to god

You can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings

You can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything

Help me tear down my reason, help me its' your sex I can smell

Help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else

I want to ___ you like an animal

I want to feel you from the inside

I want to ___ you like an animal

My whole existence is flawed

You get me closer to god

Through every forest, above the trees

Within my stomach, scraped off my knees

I drink the honey inside your hive

You are the reason I stay alive

Demons by Imagine Dragons.  She actually played this song for me and I know now she was trying to tell me about herself.

When you feel my heat

Look into my eyes

It's where demons hide

I've been listening to nine inch nails recently. I am fairly positive Trent reznor has BPD, listening to his music gives a lot of deep insight into the disorder and some pretty deep revelations into society also.

I go through darkness and then I feel better. After each cycle I progress a little more every time. This forum has played a big part in my recovery but it also triggers the sh#t out of me and I don't need to go back to those places so much anymore. I sign off for today and maybe the rest of the week with this silly but not insignificant song. Friends and fellow victims of BPD, I give you... .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfWlot6h_JM

I took my younger daughter to see this "boy band" a few weeks ago thinking they would be a very young group and a fun activity. Instead, I embarrassed my daughter weeping to these lyrics: the theme song for how I feel:

5 SECONDS OF SUMMER LYRICS

"Amnesia"

21f1 "Amnesia"

I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted

I thought aboutu our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted

And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine

Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?

When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?

Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?

If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all

I remember the day you told me you were leaving

I remember the make-up running down your face

And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them

Like every single wish we ever made

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia

And forget about the stupid little things

Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you

And the memories I never can escape

'Cause I'm not fine at all

The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone

I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone

And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around

It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on

It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long

It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?

If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all

I remember the day you told me you were leaving

I remember the make-up running down your face

And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them

Like every single wish we ever made

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia

And forget about the stupid little things

Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you

And the memories I never can escape

If today I woke up with you right beside me

Like all of this was just some twisted dream

I'd hold you closer than I ever did before

And you'd never slip away

And you'd never hear me say

I remember the day you told me you were leaving

I remember the make-up running down your face

And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them

Like every single wish we ever made

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia

And forget about the stupid little things

Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you

And the memories I never can escape

'Cause I'm not fine at all

No, I'm really not fine at all

Tell me this is just a dream

'Cause I'm really not fine at all

Let me put it this way-

It started out with "My Love" by McCartney / Wings

It turned into "Crazy B!%#&" by Buckcherry

And now... ."The End" by The Doors

This is the end

Beautiful friend

This is the end

My only friend, the end

It hurts to set you free

But you'll never follow me

The end of laughter and soft lies

The end of nights we tried to die

This is the end

Tegan and Sara

"I Was A Fool"

Do you remember I searched you out

How I climbed your city’s walls?

Do you remember me as devout

How I prayed for your calls?

I stood still is what I did

Love like ours is never fixed

I stuck around

I did behave

I saved you every time

I was a fool for love

I was a fool for love

I was a fool [x2]Then you blamed me and blocked me out

How long did you think I’d last?

Then you disappeared for weeks to pout

How many times could I pack?

But stand still is all I did

Love like ours is never fixed

Still I stuck around

I did behave

I saved you every time

I was a fool for love

I was a fool for love

I was a fool [x2]If you’re worried that I might've changed

Left behind all of my foolish ways

You best be looking for somebody else

Without a foolish heart, a foolish heart

But stand still is all we did

Love like ours is never fixed

I stuck around

I did behave

I saved you every time

I was a fool for love

I was a fool for love

I was a fool [x5]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZHGeg_0Rlo

Refugee by Tom Petty

We got somethin' we both know it

We don't talk too much about it

Yeah it ain't no real big secret all the same

Somehow we get around it

Listen it don't really matter to me baby

You believe what you want to believe

You see you don't have to live like a refugee

Somewhere, somehow somebody

Must have kicked you around some

Tell me why you want to lay there

And revel in your abandon

Listen it don't make no difference to me baby

Everybody's had to fight to be free

You see you don't have to live like a refugee

Now baby you don't have to live like a refugee

Baby we ain't the first

I'm sure a lot of other lover's been burned

Right now this seems real to you

But it's one of those things

You gotta feel to be true

Somewhere, somehow somebody

Must have kicked you around some

Who knows, maybe you were kidnapped

Tied up, taken away and held for ransom

It don't really matter to me

Everybody's had to fight to be free

You see you don't have to live like a refugee

I said you don't have to live like a refugee

"Zero-Sum"

They're starting to open up the sky, they're starting to reach down through.

And it feels like we're living in that split second of a car crash.

And time is slowing down, and if we only had a little more time

and this time

is all there is.

Do you remember the time we... .?

And all the times we... .?

And should have... .?

And were going to... .?

I know.

And I know you remember, how we could justify it all.

And we knew better; in our hearts... .we knew better.

And we told ourselves it didn't matter.

And we chose to continue, and none of that matters anymore.

In the hour of our twilight... .

And soon it will be all said and done, and we will all be back together, as one... .

If we will continue at all.

Shame on us, doomed from the start

May God have mercy on our dirty little hearts

Shame on us for all we have done

And all we ever were. Just zeroes and ones

And you never get away, and you never get to take the easy way,

And all of this is a consequence, brought on by our own hand

If you believe in that sort of thing.

And did you ever really find, when you closed your eyes,

Any place that was still, and at peace?

And I guess I just wanted to tell you, as the light starts to fade,

That you are the reason that I am not afraid.

And I guess I just wanted to mention, as the heavens will fall,

We will be together soon if we will be anything at all.

Shame on us, doomed from the start

May God have mercy on our dirty little hearts

Shame on us for all we have done

And all we ever were. Just zeroes and ones

"Zero-Sum"

They're starting to open up the sky, they're starting to reach down through.

And it feels like we're living in that split second of a car crash.

And time is slowing down, and if we only had a little more time

and this time

is all there is.

Do you remember the time we... .?

And all the times we... .?

And should have... .?

And were going to... .?

I know.

And I know you remember, how we could justify it all.

And we knew better; in our hearts... .we knew better.

And we told ourselves it didn't matter.

And we chose to continue, and none of that matters anymore.

In the hour of our twilight... .

And soon it will be all said and done, and we will all be back together, as one... .

If we will continue at all.

Shame on us, doomed from the start

May God have mercy on our dirty little hearts

Shame on us for all we have done

And all we ever were. Just zeroes and ones

And you never get away, and you never get to take the easy way,

And all of this is a consequence, brought on by our own hand

If you believe in that sort of thing.

And did you ever really find, when you closed your eyes,

Any place that was still, and at peace?

And I guess I just wanted to tell you, as the light starts to fade,

That you are the reason that I am not afraid.

And I guess I just wanted to mention, as the heavens will fall,

We will be together soon if we will be anything at all.

Shame on us, doomed from the start

May God have mercy on our dirty little hearts

Shame on us for all we have done

And all we ever were. Just zeroes and ones

I see you there 

Your long black hair 

Your eyes just stare 

Your mind is turning 

You know I'll laugh 

And I won't take it back 

I've seen your eyes I know 

What your thinking 

And one by one 

We'll shoot our guns 

We'll have fun 

Don't ever doubt it 

And when I say 

Fare thee well 

My only friend 

Oh how the days go 

Your setting sun 

Your broken drum 

Your little drugs 

I'll never forget you 

Never 

Forget 

You

"Bottled Up Inside"

It ain't fading 

Man I gotta let it out

Am I crazy?

Screaming nothing ever comes out

I keep feeling lost

I'll never find my way out

I'm not thanking them

Unless the truth can pour out

Give me some courage

Beating me down now for some time

Are you laughing am I funny?

I hate inside,

I hate inside.

I'll take this time

To let out what’s inside

Cuz I will break

Sometimes I wish you'd die

Full of sorrow

You raped and stole my pride.

And all this hate is bottled up inside

My heart's breaking

Man you really ripped it out

You take pleasure watching as

I claw my way out

The hurt rising

Soon it's gunna to tear my soul out

It’s not kosher feeling like I’m on my way out

Give me some courage

Beating me down now for some time

Are you laughing am I funny?

I hate inside,

I hate inside.

I'll take this time

To let out what’s inside

Cuz I will break

Sometimes I wish you'd die

Full of sorrow

You raped and stole my pride.

And all this hate is bottled up inside

[scat in background]

Feeling the haze as they cut down my spine

Pealing your flesh like the way you've cut mine

Do you feel happy, you ___ed up my mind

You’re going to pay this time

[scat in background]

I'll take this time

To let out what’s inside

Cuz I will break

Sometimes I wish you'd die

Full of sorrow

You raped and stole my pride.

And all this hate is bottled up inside

[Slower]

I'll take this time

To let out what’s inside

Cuz I will break

Sometimes I wish you'd die

Full of sorrow

You raped and stole my pride.

And all this hate is bottled up inside

NO MORE DRAMA LYRICS - MARY J. BLIGE

So tired, tired of this drama

No more, no more

I wanna be free

I'm so tired, so tired

Broken heart again

Another lesson learn

Better know your friends

Or else you will get burned

Gotta count on me

Cause I can guarantee

That I'll be fine

No more pain (no more pain)

No more pain (no more pain)

No drama (no more drama in my life)

No one's gonna make me hurt again

Why'd I play the fool

Go through ups and downs

Knowing all the time

You wouldn't be around

Or maybe I like the stress

Cause I was young and restless

But that was long ago

I don't wanna cry no more

No more pain (no more pain)

No more game (no more game messin with my mind)

No drama (no more drama in my life)

Noone's gonna make me hurt again

No more tears (no more tears, I'm tired of cryin everynight)

No more fears (no more fears, I really don't wanna cry)

No drama (no more drama in my life)

I don't ever wanna hurt again

Wanna speak my mind, wanna speak my mind

Uh, it feel so good

When you let go

Of all the drama in your life

Now you're free from all the pain

Free from all the game

Free from all the stress

So find your happiness

I don't know

Only God knows where the story ends for me

But I know where the story begins

It's up to us to choose

Whether we win or loose

And I choose to win

No more pain (no more pain)

No more game (tired of your playin' game with my mind)

No drama (no more drama in my life)

No more, no more, No more, no more

No more tears (no more tears, no more cryin every night)

No more fears (no more waking be up in the morning)

No drama, no more in my life

No more drama, no more drama

No more drama, no more drama

NO MORE DRAMA

NO MORE DRAMA

NO MORE DRAMA

NO MORE DRAMA

NO MORE DRAMA

No more drama in my life

So tired, tired of this drama

I like some songs by Pink (supposebly BPD herself) She sings about her feelings and its like she is speaking for my exBPDbf. I like "just like a pill" also "blow me one last kiss" but this is my favorite... .The video is great too... .I relate to the guy in the video... .lol

Please dont leave me:

www.youtu.be/eocCPDxKq1o


I don't know if I can yell any louder

How many times have I kicked you outta here?

Or said something insulting?

Da da da da-da

I can be so mean when I wanna be

I am capable of really anything

I can cut you into pieces

When my heart is

Broken

Da da da-da da

Please don't leave me

Please don't leave me

I always say how I don't need you

But it's always gonna come right back to this

Please, don't leave me

How did I become so obnoxious?

What is it with you that makes me act like this?

I've never been this nasty

Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?

The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest

But baby I don't mean it

I mean it, I promise

Da da da-da da

Please don't leave me

Please don't leave me

I always say how I don't need you

But it's always gonna come right back to this

Please, don't leave me

I forgot to say out loud

How beautiful you really are to me

I can't be without

You're my perfect little punching bag

And I need you

I'm sorry

Da da da da, da da da da

Da da da da-da da

Please, please don't leave me

Baby, please don't leave me

No, don't leave me

Please don't leave me

I always say how I don't need you

But it's always gonna come right back to this

Please,don't leave me

Please don't leave me

I always say how I don't need you

But it's always gonna come right back to this

Please don't leave me

Please, please don't leave me