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When do BPD start to get jealous over their man, ive noticed that loads of girls always like my exes replacments profile pictures, where when she was with me, she always used to say the hells she, youve mentioned her before? Or why are you talking to her? Why dont you go and just f uck so and so! So why does it seem shes not in her jealous stance with the nee guy yet? Its only been 2 months by the way.

I would not know.  It is hard to accept I know but if she is with another then she is lost to you.  This is a very hard thing to accept.  Even harder to accept is this: when she was with you she was still lost to you.  She is still lost to your replacement.  Sorry my friend - but this is how it is.  Half the world's population is the opposite sex - you will find another.  Someone healthy.

Jammo

Please stay off social media entirely. It is masochistc torture. I know it's hard not to. I tried to find a way to block my access to  fb but I couldn't find a way. If I could go back I would have gone to a computer store and had them install something to block my access to facebook.  

She probably is giving him crap but she wouldn't let the world know.

She's stuck in a pattern you know how it will end. Like a tornado swept through town.

Could be she just hasn't had a reason to get jealous yet. Or it could be that you just haven't seen it because it's being kept between them. The truth is jammo, you're not going to know without talking to her, and even then it's going to be a crap shoot if you get an honest answer or not.

Can I ask jammo, why you're keeping up on what your ex is doing on FB? It may be easier to simply not see what she's doing, instead of trying to guess why she's doing it.

Social media is a trap for me! I deactivated my account so I cant see him and also he cant see me. Yet deactivating means you can activate again.

Yesterday I got a mail "sorry you weren't able to log in to your account".

I didnt so someone else did... .Guess who!

Funny how the ptsd thing works, immediate anxiety!

So now I got FB to completely erase my account so there will be NO fb triggers at all!

My exBPDbf even accused me of being a lesbian with my best friend i've known for 14 years... .Ehh what? A friendship like that just didnt make sense in his world... .

But on FB he would post the most beautifull pics of us, pretending everything was story book perfect... .Untill the b/u that is... .Then the smear campaign started.

I dont want to know about his life anymore... .(Yes I do... .But I dont ha ha ha)

The overthinking drives me insane. I have to focus on me, a new carreer, new hobbies, i will only allow positivity in my life, although temptation is always there!

So sorry that YOU have to experience and feel this painful dilemma.

It's because you are genuine, and have come out of a non- genuine relationship.

It will take time to get to grips with it, in your mind, as I am finding out myself.

Don't fight the feeling - just try to fully experience it. Close your eyes and FEEL IT.

THEN - Ask yourself, WHY?

Why do I feel like this?

Hey thanks for the responses guys!  Honestly, i think its because i want to see the relationship or at least see signs of it failing, not so i can get back with her (red to many horror stories on here) do any of you guys feel really happy when you see that your ex isnt happy with the new person, as if to say, told you you threw away something amazing! My ex has deleted over 50 people on her FB, talked about feeling weak, and constantly liking statuses relating to exes, like exes are exes for a reason and, im glad that ___s over. Im going to stop looking from now on, but when i see that shes not happy i feel great.

And how do you she isnt giving hin the same questions and jelousy ?

Im sorry you are going through all this obsessing, its the emotions controlling your brain, keeps you focusef on things that you will later see doesnt matter in your life at all. Stay strong i can promise you that the 3 month mark is way better than 2 months

Seeing anything about my exs life triggers me. Makes me feel sick. I just can't do it.  I want to be able to face her one day and not be triggered like overcome this. Focusing on that doesn't help though.

Delete your fb bro. Block your access to it somehow for a few months. Pay someone to block access to it in your electronic devices. Heck pay your friends to have him do it for you.

It's easier said than done. 

The reality is their will come a point in the future where you let to of the hope and then you begin to move on. It will happens when it happens.

You will keep touching the fire over and over untill you accept that you get burned everytime.

Jammo, what she did to you she will do to the current guy. And the next and the next after that until she draws her last miserable breath and leaves this world a slightly more peaceful place. You can bet your house on it.

Over time you will heal. You will meet new women or a woman of the healthy variety (yes, they do exist) and you will find happiness. At least if you learn enough from your experience to not repeat the same mistakes you will. While you do that her misery will go on. One day you may run into her or hear about her and her life will be the same old story as where you left off but by that point you may not even care.

First thing I did was block her and her ritzy ass friends off of FB, VINE, Instagram, Twitter and LINKEDN. Dont care what shes doing, dont care about her and replacement. Still walk on egg shells around town hoping not to run into them, but thats a chance to have to take. As far as jealousy, in my case, they are jealous of anyone who takes time from them. Mine got jealous of my daughter when she moved back home to attend a closer college. Called her a cock block and on the final day of contact with my BPDgf, she accused my daughter of being my wife. I just looked at her as she walked off. This is my sole purpose in never getting back with that witch. When you have to resort to dragging children into this, then something isnt right with you.

Charming!

Indeed Mr. Hollande, Indeed

Stay the hell away from social media. Block forever, never look, never. Never ever ever. I feel this is so important. I can see in my blocked users mine has deactivated her FB now, probably because she hates being blocked by me - it gives me the power. Use the power, block them, never ever unblock, never look, detach, forget, heal, move on.

I have blocked. But I dont think mine even cares I exist... .New boyfriend so Im safe I think.

Jammo, block your ex on Facebook and her replacement. Right now your pain and hurt is way to fresh for you to emotionally detach. Trust what everyone has said on this thread and block or shut down your Facebook account. Believe me, it helped me immensely with my withdrawal to not be able to see or focus on what was going on in my ex BPDbf's life. Instead you need to focus on yourself!

I also don't think it's just ex BPDgf's that get jealous and upset. I think anyone would be upset seeing another girl "liking" a selfie pic of their boyfriend or SO on Facebook. My ex BPDbf used to post selfies on FB "all" the time! He wanted the adoration and attention of his fans. Believe he also did it to triangulate women. When we were together, I never would bother to ask who all these women were that we're liking his pics. BUT, he would make comments to me along the lines of, "Hey, did you see the new photo of me I posted on FB today? It got 20 likes! How come you didn't "like" my photo?" I would respond that I had a full time career and rarely logged on to FB. He didn't like that at all.

Also as Northlight mentioned, at 3 months it does get better! I'm just about at 3 months now. I went NC blocked my ex BPDbf on my phone, email and FB as soon as I endeded it with him back in June. It has allowed me to refocus on myself, not him. He broke NC 2 weeks ago on a dating site. But you know what? Really didn't bother me because it just confirmed how troubled he is. If you as a normal guy lied and cheated on your girlfriend of 4 years. Dissociated and told her to her face that you were just using her for sex. Would you reach out to her after she ended it with you on a dating site? The clear answer is a BIG "no"!

Please get off FB or block them and focus on yourself. 

She blocked me from all communication devices apart from Gmail and said never contact me again with a big smile on her face.  Im currently 1 month NC and i seem to be doing really well, i have my moments, i guess we all do, I proved to her I was to strong for her, all her exes cried and pleaded, i just smiled at her and said ok take care and walked off.  She always used to have banter about who wore the trousers in the relationship, she used to say i know youll cry over me, and guess what? i haven't shed a single tear over her.  We even watched a film where this guy was severly depressed after his gf finished it and got with another guy, she turned to me and said, thats you over me that is im just that good.  Then said i dont know what it is with me but my exes always tell me they still love me.  I was the ONLY guy that walked away, and because i didnt plead or chase she blocked me, just goes to show that WE can break down their fake egos!

Did she block you on Facebook?

It doesn't change.  It will be rough sledding for your replacement, as it was for you.  

The path to freedom and moving on, is to let go.  

Yes she did mate, could you please explain what you mean by this further?  i know from looking ( i should stop i know)  that she made her replacement delete his only mutual friend with me, she set her fb to open, then closed it a week later, opened it again, posted a status saying im sick of fake people, i have deleted so many of you off here if your still on my friends list congratulations (She deleted 50 people).  She is yet to take a picture with this new guy (been 2 months so far) he was at hers last weekend, and her updated her profile picture, with a selfie of herself, taken by herself. Im guessing when he went out some where she took it and set it as her profile picture.  Ive said this so many times before, but if this guy meant anything she would have made it known he was her man and they would have at least 1 picture together.

please could you further explain what you meant it would mean a lot thank you! 

Yes, I can explain further.  Tell me which part you'd like me to expand on. 

Its ok, sorry i miss read it, I red it thinking you said if shes blocked you then it will be down sledding the new  replacement, yeah i know from what I replied with  , it doesn't look like a healthy or positive start to their attachment process.

It's rough sledding for any partner, past, present, or future.  It's a disorder and it plays out and repeats itself with each partner.  

What's important is shifting the focus from her to yourself.   What steps can you take to shift that focus?

Well i know that my biggest problem to overcome is my co-dependency issues, i always feel sorry or want to take care of others less fortunate than myself. 

When you're taking care of others, what need does that fulfill in you? 

It makes me feel like im making a difference, i like feeling empathy, i like doing what i can to make others lives easier, in my 2 year relationship, i brought my ex a £700 bed because hers had snapped and she couldnt afford a new one, i brought an ipad mini because her 6 year old really wanted one, and she always said no because she couldnt afford it, I brought her an Apple Tv, so she could watch her favourite Tv shows, a trampoline in the summer time, because she always made her little ones play outside with nothing to do, so i did it for THEM.  she always said i undermined her parenting skills, but i did it for her kids, i swear i loved them more than her half the time, i couldnt bear to see them grow up without having nice things.

I made a completely new facebook account, with a similar yet different enough name and no image of my face.

Jammo, there is nothing I'd love to see more than my ex's new relationship fail, I've heard stories and it doesn't sound stable at all, it sounds like he's getting the same treatement as me.

The problem is, he sounds like the sort of person that is ready to take it, he is letting her walk all over him and by the sounds of it just tries even harder and even harder to please her, I think shes going to have to do something truly horrific for him to let go.

I then start feeling angry at the replacement, I think really, are you really that pathetic that you are ready to buckle to her every whim, it makes me upset that people can be so pathetic, have some backbone and stick up for yourself.

What you just described sounds to me like Rescuing behaviour, the BPD's draw it out of us, its what they want, I did not start the relationship as a Rescuer, but she wanted Rescuing, she played the Victim and I eventually fell into the position of the Rescuer. This is the Drama Triangle which only fuels the destructive behaviours in both parties ultimately making things worse and both people more unhappy.

Read up on this, its very interesting and in important life skill if you can stop yourself from falling onto the drama triangle in any dealing with another human being, an adopt a stance on the Winner's Triangle instead, you'll have much better results in life!

www.coachingsupervisionacademy.com/thought-leadership/the-karpman-drama-triangle/

www.beingasunbeam.com/2011/09/05/drama-triangle-to-winners-triangle/

Thank you for taking the time to answer my question.  You're a caring person, and it's natural to want to make a difference in the lives of others.  I'm sure that you made a difference in her life.  I'm sure that on some level, she knows that too.  

Guess who needs you now?  You need you now.  

Can you identify what you provided her and her children on an emotional level?  (I hope that you'll hang with this as this is going somewhere)

Sorry to jump in guys but blissful, i do know the impact I made on my BPDgf's 5 kids. Thank you for reminding me of that proud fact.

Bungeinstein, those articles are incredible thank you so much! now i finally understand why they switch to punitive parent mode when we are discarded, it really is such an insightful read,  Im going to read that again and again, untill its imprinted within my self.   

Blissful to be totally honest with you, i think my ex became jealous at times because when i was there every weekend her kids had my full attention, we would even play upstairs while she sat and watched TV in peace, her 6 year old used to tell  his teacher how excited he was that i was going down.  My ex also used this in her pull behaviour even when she had her bf, she kept telling me that Holly (3 year old daughter) was asking for you the other day.  She would then say Connor (her 6 year old) hates you because you made his mummy cry, then go back to saying me and the kids were looking at old photos of us together straight after, this was 2 weeks into her new replacement, then finished the conversation with never contact me ever again.  So on an emotional level maybe she felt i was taking her kids away from her from an attention perspective, but that kind of push/pull behaviour is what messes us NONs heads up.

Thank you for sharing.  One of the things that I did shortly after my own b/u, was to make a list of my emotionally supportive behavior during the r/s, that was intended to reinforce my ex's sense of wellbeing.   Once I identified those things (compassion, love, listening, and so forth), I recognized that I had not been emotionally supportive to myself.  I wasn't reinforcing my own sense of wellbeing.  With that list in hand, I shifted my focus to myself, and began giving myself what I'd provided him.  What we provide to others, is often what we need to provide ourselves. For instance, I needed to nurture myself.  I needed to truly validate myself.  I needed to listen to myself.  I needed to show myself compassion.  The list goes on.  

Wow bliss that's very insightful. I'm making a sort of list like that for myself right now. I've been coming to those same conclusions. It's really not easy after being conditioned to self abuse by toxic people.

The list, for me anyway, was an eyeopener, and it was sad in many ways.  I reviewed each item on the list, and I asked myself "are you providing that for yourself, Bliss?"  I penciled in a "no" next to many items, and the items that didn't get a "no" got a "sorta."  I'm engaged in activities (daily) that reinforce my sense of wellness.  But on an emotional level, (me meeting my own emotional needs) I didn't score too well. 

Maybe I am the crazy one... .

Bliss for me i realized this has mostly been due to allowing abusive people to stay in my life. Not since my teens have I been abusive to anyone else. But have been accommodating to people that are and allowed them to drag me down into cycles of self abuse. My biggest mistake has been allowing people in my life that idealize me when I was working on myself.  They invariably have switched into victem mode or persecuter or both.

The only one of these relationships i Perseud  was with my BPD ex.

I accept that I have been codependent but did not seek to control other people in fact when they demanded I take that role have attempted to show them their own projection i realize now it is not something I can do.

My ex wife who idealized me is codependent to the point of being slightly borderline. With some slight histrionic traits.

One if the most subtle forms of abuse is when someone says stop being the victim when you are in pain.  Anyone who says that cut them out of your life.

My issues stem from FOO.  I'm a lot like my mother who was the "peacekeeper" in our family, and was codependent with my father.   I'm repeating some of the dynamics from my FOO.  Interestingly, when I look back at my friendships and even some of my romantic relationships, I've drawn people who wish to control me.  In the past, I recognized it, and sometimes jumped ship.  And sometimes I didn't and allowed those friendships or r/s's to continue far too long.  It was toxic.  It was abusive.  One important thing that I've been working on, is looking at my friendships, identifying the healthy ones, and letting go of the ones that aren't healthy.  After the r/s, red flag behavior and dysfunctional dynamics blare like a mega phone.  I simply can't ignore or make excuses anymore.  I choose to step out of the way.  That's a big deal for me.  I'm proud of myself for making progress in that area. 

There's no place for abusers in our lives.  I don't know about you, but I've shut that door.  It sounds as though that's where you're at too.  Congratulations, Blimblam!

These women are master manipulators, they are completely fake, with everyone, they are pathalogical liars, and they ruin the lives of whoever they get close to.

I just went to see Gone Girl, oh, my, god, I recommend everyone on this board to go and see it, it validated my experience to much, it really made things about my relationship with my ex crystal clear, it made me feel amazing, I highly recommend it.

Thank you

I'm glad your at that point to blissfull

I think I am finally at a point of reaching forgiveness. Just starting to feel it.