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2 months total NC now - before that was another 2 months, broken by brief final text conversation. Prior to that, 2 months of weird "friendship" where I was used, insulted, lied to etc etc

So 6 months out of the r/s in total

I was in so much pain, I cannot tell you - it was unbearable. Constant, horrendous pain - I could understand why someone might kill themselves, to escape such a horrific feeling. I felt like I had ruined my life, lost the best thing I ever had, was worthless, unlovable, a pointless hopeless existence.

We I can tell you today I can't quite believe I got so low - I see my r/s as a dreadful thing I am very lucky to have escaped from. I genuinely cannot remember what I was supposed to feel such guilt over. I now genuinely couldn't care less what she is doing, or who with, and have never felt or looked better in my life. I can't believe I let someone make me feel so bad for absolutely no reason. But I don't even feel angry any more, or pity for her hopeless, painful life. I simply do not care.

I've dated a few women casually and it is a breath of fresh air to realise that most people are not at the mercy of an incurable mental illness, most I have met have been great fun and relaxing to be around! No more eggshells :)

NC is hard as hell, but it gets easier, and it guarantees a way out and into a brighter future. NC + time = guaranteed recovery :)

As many others have said, it is like drug withdrawal - so so hard at first, but if you can just not do it one day at a time, freedom is guaranteed!


Oh and by the way, stay the hell away from social media. Block forever, never look, never. Never ever ever. I feel this is so important. I can see in my blocked users mine has deactivated her FB now, probably because she hates being blocked by me - it gives me the power. Use the power, block them, never ever unblock, never look, detach, forget, heal, move on.

Thanks Camuse!

Very inspiring words. I am so happy for you!

Thanks for giving us hope and light at the end of the tunnel of terror and torment... .

|iiii

+1 on what Recooperating said.

Thank you. It gives us much hope. NC + time is what I'm doing right now. It has worked, but very very slowly ( i can't see it day by day, but i can see improvement month by month)

I'm so glad you are on the other side. For me the biggest inspiration is reading posts like this. I am feeling very similar. All the best!

Hey Camuse

Love your posts dude - Me, 6 months now also. I agree - Don't give them the power. I was NC from the start. You can take their power away by just cutting them off. There is nothing like a fvcked up relationship to get you on a better path. I am looking much better. Hitting the gym 4 times a week. Also, being with her made me realise I am a people pleaser at work also and decided to look for other positions and guess what? Just got a senior management position at a major investment bank. So I guess I'm not so useless after all am I? And to think that 7 months ago I was down and out? No bro, we move on. I like that you also express how one comes out of the FOG and when you look back can't believe how on earth you were so lost just a while ago. Also remember that she will not be better. But imagine how awesome you can look, how you can better yourself, what an amazing person YOU can become. The sky is the limit. Literally.

Good for you! Watch out world!

Thanks pieter, love your posts too :)

Hitting the gym is the best thing to come out of this in a way, I look better than ever before now - I know many here did the same. At first it was to take out my stress, and was great for that, but now I'm just getting as fit and in shape as possible - so many people have noticed, and it makes me feel better not just in myself, but also about myself. Working out is good for mind as well as body!

It's amazing how low we got isn't it? It scares me a little, but I see the end of my BPD nightmare as the springboard at the bottom, projecting me upwards at warp speed - it's up and up for me too now. I've seen a picture of her by mistake a week ago, she looks dreadful. That doesn't make me happy, it's just an observation - they wreck their lives, throwing away awesome people like us. It says nothing about us.

I also worked on my people pleasing issues, and it's tough to change habits, but once you recognise them you can make a conscious effort to do so until it becomes routine. I've had a few opportunities to put this into practice, and not take on responsibility for other people's problems or happiness.

I wouldn't wish a BPD experience on anyone, and certainly am not happy I went through it, but in the end it will be of benefit to me as a person - I think everyone here can harness what they learn from it to become awesome people. The fact we reflect so much and are capable of deep feeling says something great about everyone here - we just need to focus those qualities correctly.

I'm always struck by the eloquence of the posts here - intelligent, deep thinking people, who can all come out of it much stronger and better as long as we reflect, learn and grow, and above all 100% NC is maintained forever.

Very inspirational post Camuse! I am at the beginning stages of NC with my exBPDgf. You are right about the unbearable pain and understanding why some people kill themselves. The pain of ruminating of what was lost and the feelings of worthlessness are so real and visceral.

I have been going to the gym a lot, spending time with family, and been currently seeing a therapist. All of these things help a lot. Helps to realize that none of this was my fault.

My last conversation with my exBPDgf was over text. She blamed me for everything. It was all my fault. I was abusive and SHE cant take this make up/break up cycle anymore. She has moved on already with an "emotional" relationship with someone out of state and she says this is her chance to start over because "he doesnt know the bad". Apparently she is really happy now and is moving on.

I cant wait to hit the point of where I dont feel this pain anymore. Today will be hitting day 2 of NC. The longest I have ever stayed NC with her is 5 days. Hoping to break that milestone this week!

You will do it. If not this week the. The next. A day at a time. That first pain was worse than anything, physical or mental, that I've ever felt. It gets easier then it gets easy. I still have times where I think about it and ruminate but it's easy to shut off where it was painful before. Keep going. NC is the way. They may come back at one or more points but just keep away they are bad news.

Day 13. Im sure Im not even in her mind since she has a new guy. But my birthday is coming up. I remained NC through hers, lets hope she returns the favor... .

I hope so. Mines ignored my birthday in May and raged when I contacted her a day later, telling me graphically about her having just had sex and how I ruined it by texting her, threatened to set the replacement on me lol.

Her birthday was last week and I was bombarded with withheld numbers and emails which are spammed then deleted without being read. They don't care about you it's about them.

Good riddance deeno, your doing great.