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This thing in my head and heart is not getting any better, in fact its worse. I still can not believe she cheated on our marriage less then two months after being married. Nor can I understand how anyone could move out and divorce after only five months without at least talking about things ! This is driving me nuts.

I know man I know.

She got scared of her own shadow and ran away.

It was nothing personal.

That doesn't make it hurt any less. 

For me things got worst before they got better.

The healing process isn't linear.

The pain these relationships can bring are like nothing I ever imagined.

I have found staying with the pain and letting go of the story to help.

At times it has been to much to bear and then my mind would go in loops of ruminations trying to make sense of it. It's natural. And like I have read on the boards many times this to shall pass.

I'm sorry Pieper.

Oh Pieper! I am sorry for you too! I have been super depressed this week too... .I can't stop ruminating about her, the replacement, the talks we had, her life etc. I can't get out of it. Sometimes I just wish I could die so this torture is over.

Thanks Blim, what do you mean when you said she got scared of her own shadow ?

I can relate Maric, I adored the woman and then this. Im so tired of the pain. Hope things get better bud.

Im so sorry I didn't see the female symbol so nixnaa on the bud part

This is honestly the worst pain Ive ever felt.

I know where you're coming from. Two months of LC and still my mind is full of memories, conversations we had or conversations I would like to have, letters I would like to write, etcetera.

It is the first thing I think about when I get up and the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep. I feel engulfed with depression. Sometimes I too wish I would just not be there and things were just over. It's like I've lost my husband in an accident and I'm a widow now.

But then another day has passed and another and I'm still here, trying to stay active, meet people, find support.

I have noticed this week, that the pain seems to be less, I mean the feeling of having a knife stabbing my heart, has dulled a bit. So I guess I'm on the road to recovery.

One day at a time... .

Mine is better then it was. The first few months I was in shock and didn't feel anything, now the pain is setting in with the reality of everything. Im so glad your feeling better 

The shadow self is a jungian concept of the aspects of our own self that lurk below the level of our concious awareness. So the ex would project her own negative emotions regarding how she feels about her self onto or into you and split from this part of herself so she doesn't recognize that she it is a projection of her self she is angry with.

Peter Pan is a good representation of this concept. Peter Pan is chasing his shadow who is running away from him. This is an analogy of how our inner child is trying to reunite with the shadow self.  When we meet our ex we project onto them the image we have that relates to the image we have in our minds of the feminine archetype. So we see in our ex aspects of our own self and our inner child "Peter Pan" chases after it. That is sort of an allegorical metaphor for what attraction is. When we realize the person we are attracted to is not our shadow but an actual person our exs in this case project the negative aspects of their shadow self onto us and run away from themself.

I hope I explained that in a way that makes sense.  So basically they are running away from themselves and it doesn't really have to do with us.

A couple good films that deal with the what it all means aspect of the shadow and the self are ground hog day , hook, and Peter Pan.

You are right where you are supposed to be.  The good news is that you will be feeling better soon.   The ruminations drove me crazy!   But they went away gradually.  It takes time.  The woman I fell in love with has a serious mental illness.   She has to take responsibility for her actions and I do too.  I feel so much better without her.  It has been over 9 months.   

It makes sense Blim, Thank you

Like some kind of mental masochist I still want to hear from her, go figure.