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She had gaslighted me so much at times I still at times think everything was my fault. Even though she was the one that cheated. About the only thing I did was get miserable and shut down at times so I wouldn't have to engage in the insanity.

Hi peiper

Blah to cheating!  That's no way to be in a relationship.  I can see how you'd want to protect yourself from that madness    Can you describe the way she gaslighted?

So so many tests. You need to do this , do that. After doing a lot of them I finally said sc5ew it because those tests were never going to be over and I would always be the bad guy. Her thinly vailed insults were the worst. Like asking if Id passed gas. I asked why and she replyed because you smell like crap.

Ugh the gas lighting,

It nearly killed me. Have you seem the film gas light? It can be seen for free on dailymotion. 

It nearly killed me to. Im still trying to crawl out of that hole I let her put me in.

Pieper,

What was your mother like?

She had some problems, always the victim . Why Blim ?

Have you thought about exploring that with a therapist?

Oh yeah ! I always had my dad painted as the jerk but this has really made me think about things.

Dude I know what you mean. It was gut wrenching and heart breaking when i realized.

Exactly. Wish my dad was still alive so I could say Im sorry

I feel for you I really do. Gaslighting is such a damaging abuse technique because it makes us question our whole humility, values/morals, sanity and just ourself as a person.

My pwBPD told me I had BPD numerous times, in all fairness I may have traits but just from me saying I felt a bit like a failure she jumped straight in with 'sounds like you my have BPD too'. I had depression, that's more likely why I felt like a failure, and she knew that too. She used to tell me pills and therapy were useless, that my very natural emotional state and behaviour towards a painful break up was 'extreme' and that she would 'care for me' so I didn't do 'anything silly' (thereby leading me into doing more crazy things, like a little puppet). She told me to call her if I ever felt like cutting or harming myself... .she would purposely ignore my texts/not pick up my calls in my time of need, to make me feel more insignificant so I would cut more, then when I told her she would tell me I was 'stupid!', 'don't ever do that again!' She then would set me up in awkward situations with her exh and mutual friends of myself and my non-ex to then illustrate my 'craziness' and 'erratic' behaviour to them, as if I was a leper or something! 'Keep away from her, she's dangerous!' when all it was was understandable hurting that a r/s that had meant a lot to me was coming to an end, she took advantage of me, she could smell my weakness.

It was almost clever, and scary, oh so very scary.