BPDFamily.com

Can someone have BPD if they don't drink, use drugs or self harm?

Yes. Diagnostic criteria per the DSM-V requires 5 of the 9 criteria. Self-harm is only one of the diagnostic criteria.

Absolutely! The things you describe are not the root cause, they are present in a lot of cases BECAUSE of the condition. They often self medicate with drugs and alcohol to deal with the anxiety and turmoil that is ever present in their lives. The cutting is also an outlet. When your pain is out of control or not able to be expressed, one may resort to harming themselves as a release of this pain. As an added bonus, they get to be in charge of it as every BPD I've ever known is an unmitigated control freak.

BPD I dated drank socially, and did no drugs. She did not self harm either. I would describe a dead ringer to BPD as a general sense of dysfunctional emotional regulation. When they are stressed, under pressure, hurried, etc you can almost see their lip quiver in a mix of anxiety and rage brewing. Everything is a crisis. Everything is chaotic. Even small stuff. It may also be expressed as sadness. Victimization. Woe is me.

My BPD had overlapping narcissistic traits. Everything was about her. She would ask about my day as an interlude so she could talk about her day for 10 hours. There is also a theme wherein they always will make light of your job, your life, your worries, etc. They always have it worse. Your issues are nothing compared to theirs.

A general lack of empathy as well. An odd silence when you are having a bad day, as if they don't know what to even tell you. This despite you talked them off the ledge when they had a bad day the week before.

No reciprocation. It's a take for me, while I let you give to me, relationship. They also NEVER admit fault or accept blame.

I noticed they seem to say and do really odd things as well. Their brains are wired strangely.

This is identical to my uBPDexgf. Her main outward manifestation was chronic anxiety. There was nothing that she could not worry about. Most of her anxiety was about crisis that she herself had created. She was a teacher and would put off marking her students work, then be in stress city because it had to be done and she would spend more time stressing about it than actually getting it done. She hated going to the store, major stress for her, she once phoned her mum asking if she should get soft or extra soft butter. And yes, everything was always someone else's fault. Her idea of a conversation was talking about herself, her issues, her crisis, total woe is me. I can't recall her once asking me "So how are things going for you?" I have never met a person so self absorbed. She even said once that her life was the "(her name) show" Even on the last day when we were supposed to be talking about us breaking up she was asking me if she should take on another student to tutor. She could call her mom for an hour at a time, several times per day and even though her mom was in poor health the conversations were always about her (the ex) The funny thing is that to people they are not close to she appeared totally normal and well adjusted, only those they are close to see a glimpse of the real person. She drank only socially, didn't do any drugs and was not a self harmer although she did attempt suicide a few months before I met her. It must be hell living their lives.

I feel your pain. I don't think it's hell living their lives though. They are the prototypical spoiled brat. They are a 3 year old throwing a tantrum because he wants another toy. They have zero concept of the fact they have it better than 99% of other people, the thought that you may not have the money for it never enters their mind. And god forbid you don't do what they want when they want.

They are a walking contradiction of do as I say, not as I do. And the perfect match for them ends up just like them, hollow. Someone who has been eaten from the inside out and no longer possesses the will to fight back, or even care about their own needs. It's sad. There are millions of people trapped in this struggle. Emotional prisoners destined to live for decades in a mental prison that is created around them. I pray for these people. The silent and stoic people who are out there right now. God help them. Life is so short. And the tragedy is in the fact that this type of abuse is akin to a prison sentence, but it isn't noticeable or distinguishable. So the victim, never even has a harrowing tale of survival. They end up either emotionally broken, or perhaps live out their lives and eventually die having never really known what true reciprocated love even feels like.

Hello DavidJulius,

Click on the link "What is Borderline Personality Disorder?" on the right hand side of the page. If you haven't already this will help with your question and much more.

Take your time and read around the disorder and learn as much as you can. It can really help to make sense of some of the craziness and in turn that can help you focus on your own emotional well-being.

Emotional strength and resilience are definitely required when you have someone with BPD in your life or behavioural traits that fit without a diagnosis.

From my own personal experience a combination of BPD and either drugs or alcohol exacerbate symptoms exponentially. My dBPDh has a history of codeine dependency and when he was caught up in this the disorder was at its worst. He returned to self-harming, our lives were in chaos. He has now stopped codeine use and is noticeably more stable, with less aggressive outbursts. He used the codeine as a way of self-medicating emotional pain. 

Substance misuse is very often symptomatic of the disorder. BPD and co-morbid addiction are very prevalent on these boards also.