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Title: BPDex moves to another country, was it the strict NC? or just BPD Post by: falconfree28 on October 13, 2014, 05:35:45 AM This is a strange one, but intriguing for me about how things have worked out.
Months ago in March, I broke it off with my BPDex, enforced a strict NC rule, I was blocked immediatly on Facebook, anyone who's followed my story knows we share a partner dance community and she went all out to push me out of it but after following advice on here, reading up on BPD, while taking active counselling I sought to improve myself whilst working through my own issues, this worked well besides one re-engagement (saw through it and went back to NC) and I did check social media quite a few times at the beginning, but as I got better, she didn't start to bother me. As I arrived between month 8 to now since the breakup, I started seeing other women and couldn't believe the complete difference of the women who I was seeing, who were compassionate, caring, came from a strong family background and were the complete opposite to her, in fact the more I improve the better the result. She then announces to the dance community that she's leaving for another country and will be there for a while, in the buildup to this I also get word, she's met a new guy, moved in with him (in the space of 4-6 months), fallen in love (backed up by him) declares the relationship as she flies off to another country leaving him here. I'll admit this caught off me guard, brought some anxiety and pain to the surface, thankfully I now have very good coping mechanisms and worked through the feelings plus I've learned to forgive her and feel sorry that she's like this, I also get the feeling the dance community mainly sided with me and although I did lose some friends over it, it's a reaction I expected. I don't think it was ever aimed at me, but I was never going to leave this community, I've made too many friends from it, I always told my side of the story but admitted that for this to happen I had to play my part, I made sure never to "sling the mud" Was the fact the NC caused her to have no option as she might get found out? Did she leave because well because wanted to go? Why declare a relationship then clear off to another country? Some things you just can't figure out on your own, any thoughts... . Title: Re: BPDex moves to another country, was it the strict NC? or just BPD Post by: Mutt on October 13, 2014, 11:43:02 AM I don't think it was ever aimed at me, but I was never going to leave this community, I've made too many friends from it, I always told my side of the story but admitted that for this to happen I had to play my part, I made sure never to "sling the mud" Was the fact the NC caused her to have no option as she might get found out? Did she leave because well because wanted to go? Why declare a relationship then clear off to another country? Some things you just can't figure out on your own, any thoughts... . You sound like a great guy and you're not going to stoop to someone else's level. The truth has a way of working it's way out. As you say, there are two sides to every story. Don't justify, defend. If you need to explain things, say things only once. Actions speak louder than words. Those that chose her side will but their not intimate with her. The disorder is triggered by intimacy. They may see strange behaviors but they're not there behind closed doors witnessing the acting out behaviors. A huge component with BPD is impulsiveness and moving things at the speed of light with a r/s. The incapability of seeing the bigger picture and the moving parts and consequences of her actions. It's self-destructive. Think shoot first. Aim later. |