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So, I thought I had really rid myself of thinking about my ex BPD. Until a mutual friend innocently tagged me in a fb post with her and I was instantly annoyed. Last night, I had another dream about her.

She was with the replacement. All I wanted to do was yell at her. To tell her she's crazy. To warn the replacement to run,etc. I just yelled and yelled at blank faces. My ex was just grinning from ear to ear. She once again had me look like the crazy.  She was an expert gas lighter.

I don't want this girl back. I know she is insane. I know I will be the better person. I  just want to not care anymore so I can move onto finding the right person. Does anyone have any insight? I have so much rage pent up it's exhausting and I know it. I meditate, go to therapy, etc. Even the mention of her name makes me ill.

Welcome to my world.  I spent the weekend with a new woman in my life.  Had a nice dinner and then had a blast at a friends house party.  The next night I was dreaming about my BPDex.  I just can't shake her out of my head.  If she walked back in the door today I am not even sure which way I would go.  I am going to have another talk with the new girl and let her know again that I am damaged goods.  I think I need to take a step back and just be alone for a while.

I know folks. I dream of mine as if we are together, then i wake up with the realization that shes gone and im replaced. Then i go about my business in town afraid im going to see them. I have had 2 anxiety panics because i thought i may have seen them. It sucks that she lives 5 blocks from me in my subdivision. F@#k my life.

I know we are all on our own journeys, but I was the one who put the nail in the coffin with our relationship. She just never heard me and I finally said goodbye. I don't want her anywhere near me or in my life whatsoever. I've been no contact for about 2 months now and it feels good but... .why these lingering dreams of me just screaming at her? How do I get past it? I want to have no reaction to this letch of a person.

It doesn't happen often, but I occasionally have dreams about her. Last night I actually dream't of meeting her sister where I tried to get her interpretation and to get closure. We had a conversation, but I woke up before she could give me feedback. I couldn't fall back asleep... .

>6 weeks NC

I'm trying to run forward and not look back, but the subconscious appears to have it's own agenda.

I know the dreams are horrible, so real. It helped me to keep writing them down - getting them out of my head.  They have eased off a bit but now keep having them where it's him but I don't realise straight away (he looks different and is with different friends etc). At least if I'm dreaming I'm sleeping I guess x