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My dd is almost read to give birth in 2 weeks.  She just turned 20 has not finished highschool is not working and ran away.  It’s been 2 + yrs.  DH and I are in counselling and making a little progress as regards to dd.  He has been very good. So I thought this would be a step in the right direction.  I also thought getting dd in a center for unwed pregnant teens was a step in the right direction.

So what’s the problem you ask?  DD no matter what says she hates DH.  I don’t think she hates him so much as she can not get her way.  DH stands in her way of it just being her and me.  She always says that I pick him over her.  We don’t do the things we use to.  I think she wants to just hang out at the mall so I can buy her things (and the baby) take her out to restaurants.  In short fund her bad decisions.  She does not want to discuss anything seriously like the baby where she lives the father of the child.  She just wants to live in her fantasy land.

I could and try to spend time with her but it’s painful to watch and listen to the direction she’s heading in and her poor kid.

For instance this Thanksgiving I talked to DH about her sleeping over the night.  After dh trying to make conversation about the baby she just shut down and said “every time I come here dh grills me and I told him to stop”  ok we said “pick a topic?”  She just shut down.  We went in the living room to watch the wizard of OZ we asked her to shut off her phone (which she had constantly.  She told us it’s her phone.  So DH left then dd wanted to go home.

I was totally PO because she lied to me about going home to a friend’s and told her so.

What am I suppose to do? I’m not bending my principles.  I’m getting sick of it.  What she doing it wrong and DH has been trying.  I feel so sorry for this baby that about to be born.  I'm not going to left her use it as a pond,

Hello again, PyneappleDays,

It must have been so sad and frustrating for you to prepare for Thanksgiving and then have it turn out the way it did.

What is happening now? Is your dd in the center at this point?

Even if it feels like you are not making progress, you have actually made several steps in the right direction... .

Yes she's still in the center.  I've had meeting with the staff and the CAS worker.  I thought the plan was she was to stay in the center until she can get into the next facility with the baby.  It's a place that mothers can stay get help in there own finished apartment.  No dd has her own plans.  She wants to move out of the first center as soon as she can with the baby.  I'm hoping that after the baby is born and she see's that she all on her own that she will think twice.

I've told her there had better be a plan to finish school and get off assistance.  If she doesn't like answering to people she had better start funding her own life.

Needless to say I'm not very popular.

I truly sympahasie with you pyneapple days. Staying  in the centre would make sense  to us for as a place of stability and support , but our dd's with pwBPD often tend to have their own ideas that involve instability and no real plans for when the baby gets here.

My dd19 was the same with her first,basically making  herself homeless by walking out of the comfortable home she has here to live with several famillies (some relatives others friends of friends) almost up until the point of having the baby. Its a wonder my gc came out so calm, amongst the choas of dds pregnancy.I dont think they think that far as having a plan. when my dd got pregnant first time it was a way to keep b/f interested, and the second 2nd gc was to almost seal his fate to ensure that she would be tied to him for life. There was never a plan of how she would look after these babies and a lot of pressure has fallen on me and my family to provide support.

Hopefully somehow  your dd will stay and  get the support that she needs if not for herself then for the baby... .A finished apartment sounds wonderful... .and just what your dd will need, but i guess she just wants it now and doesnt want to put the work in... .

.I often find if someone else is able to ask my dd these questions she is more able to come up with some kind of answer. When I ask it is often met with defiance, deflection and rage.My dds SW can ask her the same question i have been asking and get a legible answer whereas i dont.Maybe her CAS can have better luck.If she leaves the centre what will she do for support and assistance both financial and emotional... .they are all reasonable questions that need consideration... .She needs to have a plan.I would just say not to make any demands, because they will backfire on you, and she will think that you are threatening her.Ask the questions when you are calm, and try to remain calm. This is about the future of your gc.

Goodluck